


Reconstructing Ruins

by orphan_account



Series: From the Vault [3]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, CCG Nagachika Hideyoshi, Fluff, M/M, post-aogiri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:22:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 33,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28094598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After being kidnapped and tortured by Aogiri, Kaneki returns to Anteiku and continues his normal life. However, when the CCG discovers he's a ghoul, he's given refuge by a CCG Investigator. An organization is tearing the CCG apart from the inside and they want Kaneki's help.From the Vault - a.k.a. a series of old fics that are just sitting on my laptop, so I might as well post them.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi
Series: From the Vault [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035357
Comments: 26
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

It was early Monday morning and Kaneki was absolutely miserable. It wasn’t like he hated his job – he loved it, actually. However, he didn’t appreciate being called at four in the morning to take someone else’s shift, especially when he only went to bed at three, and the shift he was _supposed_ to work was an afternoon one.

Kaneki went to drink some more of the coffee in his thermos, only for it to be empty. He sighed heavily and shook his head, wanting to keep himself awake. Normally, he didn’t get enough sleep as it was. He felt a killer headache coming on. He just wanted to get the day over with, get home, close all his curtains and pass out. But first, he had to get through a full six hours, until Touka came for her shift.

Kaneki stumbled a little as someone bumped into him.

“Sorry.” A man murmured, rubbing his shoulder as he moved in the opposite direction. His cloths were bright enough to hurt Kaneki’s eyes.

“It’s alright.” Kaneki stepped away and smoothed out his hair, hoping he wouldn’t look too much like a disheveled mess when he walked into work. He couldn’t get rid of the dark circles under his eyes, so the best he could do was make sure his hair and clothes were in an orderly fashion.

He walked the rest of the way to Anteiku, passing many people on their way to work, just like him. Hopefully they also didn’t have to deal with grumpy morning people who haven’t had their coffee yet, just like him.

The manager was already in uniform by the time Kaneki walked in, grinding some beans for the impatient customers that were sure to be among the first to come into the small shop. Kaneki greeted him as he passed and received a small nod in return.

Kaneki stepped into the back and changed into his uniform, then once again tried to smooth out his hair, which had been wetted slightly by the drizzle that had started just before he arrived. It just simply didn’t want to stay flat since it turned white. Finally giving up, Kaneki gave himself one last look-over, going back to the serving area.

Because of the rain, the manager must have opened the door early. Kaneki rushed to the counter to start taking their orders. Surprising, Kaneki managed to not mess any up. He may have dropped a couple orders, but thankfully not on any customers. Aside from that, the rest of the day went rather smoothly.

Touka showed up on time to take her shift and Kaneki was blissfully allowed to finally go home and get some rest. Even just a little would improve his mood immensely. Kaneki changed back into his casual clothes, hoping he wouldn’t fall asleep on the ride home.

Kaneki was heading that way when he was bumped into for the second time that day. When he turned to see who it was, his eyes were met with the same blindingly green jacket that he saw from that morning. Confused Kaneki paused, watching the man's back as he turned down a back alley. He caught Kaneki’s eye just as he disappeared from sight.

After a moment, Kaneki followed him. The man went to the very center of the back alley, then stopped. He turned and Kaneki was greeted with mussed brown hair and a face covered with a medical mask. Kaneki pulled up short a couple feet away from him.

The man reached into his pocket and Kaneki had the sudden thought that maybe the guy was going to try to sell him drugs. Instead, all he pulled out were a few pieces of paper. Kaneki honed in on the words emblazoned in the top right corner: The Commission of Counter Ghoul. Below that was an old picture from his university identification.

With shaking hands, Kaneki took the papers and started reading, seeing the CCG had gradually connected the dots and was close to discovering his identity.

“They went to your apartment this morning,” the man murmured. “Figured I’d get you to take Nishiki’s shift, give us a little more time.”

“You…?”

“Eh, he’s kind of an asshole anyway. Funny story. Laxatives do, in fact, work on ghouls.” The man grinned devilishly. Then, he sobered. “I’m sorry. Now isn’t the time to be joking. What’s important is you don’t go home, cuz you got some high ranking CCG officers waiting in your living room, and they probably won’t be the type to ask questions first.”

Kaneki was frozen on the spot. To be truthful, he knew it was only a matter of time. Every ghoul’s days were numbered, as long as the CCG existed. But now that the time had come, he couldn’t wrap his head around it. He had to leave everything behind. He couldn’t go back home. He couldn’t contact anyone in fear of putting them in danger as well. As much as he thought he was equipped to handle it, he simply wasn’t. He didn’t think anyone could ever be.

Worst of all, Anteiku could be investigated for their connection with him. All of his friends there, would they be forced to start their lives over as well? All because of him?

“I have to warn them.” Kaneki spun on his heel. He had to at least talk to Touka if he couldn’t speak with the manager. She could pass on the message. They could at least give them something of a warning.

“Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.” The man grabbed his arm. “You forgetting you’re a wanted man right now? Let me go in.”

Kaneki recoiled. “Why should I trust you?”

“Well, first of all, _I am_ the one telling you this and went through the trouble of handing you official CCG documents. There’s always _that_.” The man sighed. “I’ll be in and out. _Just tell me who I have to talk to and wait here_.”

“How do I know you’re not a CCG agent waiting for me to root out fellow ghouls?” Kaneki’s head spun. Shit. Did he already give away too much with his comment?

“Because I already know everyone who works there is a ghoul, and I told you I knew Nishiki was a ghoul earlier. Look, I’m your ally, not your enemy. Are you going to let me help you, or not?” The man raised his eyebrows. “I, for one, want you as an ally.”

Kaneki paused. He didn’t think the man was lying. “I’ll wait.”

The man nodded and smiled. “I’ll be right back.”

Kaneki leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, trying to think what he could possibly do. Where would he live? How would he get his food? How would he make a living?

The man was gone for a full minute before Kaneki heard footsteps coming towards him. He opened his eyes, thinking the man had returned, but instead he saw another person donning a white trench coat. His heart sank. Was he really wrong to trust him then? Had he doomed everyone?

He didn’t have any more time to think. The investigator whipped out his quinque and swung it at Kaneki, barely giving him time to move out of the way. Kaneki jumped back and landed some feet away, blood leaking down from the shallow wound across the entirety of his upper chest. His kakugan automatically activated when he faced his attacker, the next swing of his quinque forcing Kaneki to release his kagune as well.

His attacker smirked before coming in again, giving Kaneki no chances to do anything but dodge and block. After a few strikes, Kaneki attempted to move in closer, hissing in pain when the man’s quinque scraped across his jaw, revealing muscle and bone. Kaneki skittered back a few steps, feeling the tissue knit itself back together.

Kaneki pushed back forward, sacrificing a few blows to get closer to him. Pain meant nothing. He would heal. His attacker wouldn’t. All he had to do was land one good blow and escape. _He could do it_. All he had to do was try and not worry about his own body, because he could _survive_.

Finally, covered in blood, Kaneki was close enough. He backed the investigator up near one of the alley walls. At the same time he felt a scarp, acute pain in his side, he went to swing his kagune at the investigator, to shove them back against the wall and knock them out. But not before the investigator pushed a button on the side of his quinque to withdraw it back to its original form.

Kaneki coughed up blood as it tore through him. There was a heartbeat, then both of them fell.

~<3<3<3~

When Kaneki awoke, there were stars overhead. Cheap, stick-on, glow in the dark, plastic stars that were stuck on the ceiling. At the very least, Kaneki ended up somewhere other than cochlea. He blinked slowly, his eyes felt like they had been glued shut. Grunting, Kaneki touched his side, which was covered in bandages and itchy tape. The bed creaked as he sat up gingerly and looked around.

He was in someone’s bedroom, warm and heavy blankets draped over his lap. He could hear a television playing quietly outside the room, the door closed.

Kaneki was struggling to stand when the door cracked opened and a head popped in.

“ _Hey._ Whoa. No.” Steading hands were placed on his shoulders. “You lay the fuck back down.”

“I’m fine,” Kaneki croaked out, trying to shake off the hands that so urgently tried to push him back down.

“Seriously, _Kaneki._ ” Brown eyes met Kaneki’s and he recognized the man as the one who warned him that the CCG was after him. Except his hair was blond now, not brown, and it was shorter too. He must have been wearing a wig. The friendly expression he had earlier was gone as well, replaced with a thunderous frown. “I had to hold your intestines in with my hands just a few hours ago, so no, you’re not fine. I don’t care how fast you heal.”

Kaneki let himself be pushed back down. “Thanks for holding my intestines in?”

“Dude. I would say no problem, but I’m gonna have nightmares for weeks.” He sat on the edge of the bed. “I probably should’ve introduced myself earlier. My name is Nagachika Hideyoshi, but I prefer to be called Hide.”

Kaneki nodded. “Hide then. Where am I?”

“My house. Well – I don’t really own it. It’s technically a safe house for the organization I’m in. I look after things here, though. Clean up, make sure the fridge is stocked, etcetera. You’re in one of the rooms here, and it’s yours to keep from now on, if you want it.”

“I don’t really have anywhere else to go,” Kaneki admitted.

Hide gave him a gentle smile. “In that case, how about something to eat?”

Kaneki cringed a little, rubbing his chin in discomfort. “I’m fine.”

“I could literally hear your stomach growling from the living room you slept.” Hide paused, then hesitantly placed a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder, watching his reaction closely. “Look, I’m not going to ask why you don’t want to eat, but one of the rules to the safe houses is that everyone is fed. It’s not just for comfort, but it’s for safety reasons as well. I’m human. A number of people that come in and out of here could be human. Then there’s the issue of cannibalism as well. _No one goes hungry_ , okay?”

Kaneki shuddered, but nodded. “Are there other people here as well then?”

Hide hummed and moved away from Kaneki, giving him some space again. “There was a little while ago, but they moved on. Some people don’t stay for very long. We got a number of people after the Aogiri Raid, but most of them moved out pretty quickly once we gave them a little time to breathe.”

Kaneki smiled, thinking of when he first spoke to Banjou after the raid, and he told him they found somewhere to stay and not to worry.

“If something happens to Anteiku, they always have a place here as well,” Hide said. “So don’t worry about them either. It’s not your fault if something happens. It’s not theirs either. It’s the CCG.” Hide clapped his hands together. “I can fill you in on anything you want to know later, but for now, I’m going to grab you a package from the fridge. I’m guessing you want to eat alone?”

“Yeah,” Kaneki said numbly, watching Hide’s back as he disappeared from the room. He came back moments later with a brown package in his hand, similar to ones they had at Anteiku.

“Don’t worry. It’s all ethically obtained meat. Well, as ethical as you can get anyway.” Hide held out the package and Kaneki felt a little ashamed as the scent wafted over and his kakugan activated. Hide didn’t look at his single eye with surprise or horror, but instead something like awe. “I’ll leave you for a bit. Just call when you’re done.” He placed the package down in Kaneki’s lap.

Kaneki was left to stare at the paper bag. He picked it up slowly and rotated it in his hands, his eye throbbing and his stomach growling. His hunger was starting to work its way through him, his muscles cramping with pain, his head feeling like it was pierced through with a pike. His mind went fuzzy as he opened the package, greeted with a rich red meat that looked similar to hamburger. Saliva welled in his mouth as he went to take the first bite. Then the next thing he knew, his hands were covered in blood, an empty bag in his hands. The blankets weren’t spared the mess.

Kaneki cringed a little as he stood up, but was offered a little comfort when he saw some dried blood in the bed as well. He still had his pants on and they were covered in blood. As Kaneki moved he could feel them sticking to his leg. Hide must have just taken his shirt off to treat and bandage the wound then, but not bothered with anything else.

Kaneki checked an adjacent door in the room, pleased to find a tiny bathroom instead of a closet. He kicked the door closed behind him and quickly went to wash his face and hands, the water swirling down the drain tinged with red. After he got all of it off, he stepped back and took a look at the bandages that spanned halfway across his chest. He prodded the area for a moment, deciding it felt _much_ better than before he ate. After a moment’s hesitation, he tore of the bandages and ran his hand over the smooth, freshly regenerated skin. The area was a little more pink and inflamed that the rest of him, but it was relatively healed.

Kaneki went back to the bedroom and bundled up the blankets and the sheets, taking anything that had bloodstains on it and shoving it in the centre so that it wasn’t as noticeable, then padded his way to the door. He poked his head out and glanced around, seeing an empty hallway and a few doors that must have led to other bedrooms.

Not sure if he should be wandering around, he did what Hide asked and called for him. Hide popped his head around the corner and Kaneki could already feel a lecture coming.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to get up?” Hide looked exasperated, his brows drawn in with worry.

“I’m good. See.” Kaneki turned and let Hide see his side where the injury was. “All healed. But, I’d really like to take a shower and clean the blankets, because I’m covered in blood and so are they.” Kaneki picked at his pants as they spike, displaying how disgusting and crusty they were.

Hide looked a little relieved to see skin and… not entrails. “I’ll lend you some clothes until we get you some of your own. I’ll show you the laundry room once you’re all done.”

Kaneki waited by the bathroom as he went to go retrieve a few things. He came back with his arms full. He handed Kaneki a towel and a bundle of clothes, all while juggling numerous bottles in his one arm. “There’s shampoo and body wash here. Knowing how dry bleached hair gets, here’s some of my conditioner as well. The bathroom isn’t stocked yet, but again, we’ll get you some of your own stuff in a bit.” Hide nodded to himself. “I hope all the clothes remotely fit. I had a pack of unopened boxers too, so I threw that in there.”

“Thank you.” Kaneki took the remaining items from Hide.

“Hey, no problem.”

Kaneki retreated into the bathroom and turned the tiny shower on. He discarded his blood clothes on the floor, then stepped under the spray of the showerhead. It felt incredible. So did getting all the blood off. It took a bit of scrubbing, but eventually he was clean. All the clothes Hide lent him fit decently as well, and Kaneki felt strangely comforted from wearing a pair of clean underwear that belong to him. He guessed he always took that for granted. He dried off the bottles Hide lent him so that they wouldn’t drip all over the floor, then went to return them to him.

Kaneki stepped out of his bedroom, looking around curiously. The house looked pretty normal, except it was pretty big. He wandered his way to the kitchen, where he saw Hide sitting at the dining table, munching through a large bag of potato chips. He sat up straighter when he noticed Kaneki enter.

“You look a lot better,” he said.

Kaneki smiled. “Not being covered in blood does that.” He set the bottles down on the table. “Really, thank you for everything.”

Hide grinned. “Your welcome. Now, shall we get your laundry done?”

The laundry room was right beside the kitchen, tucked away in a corner. Once Kaneki dumped his laundry in, he turned to Hide. “You said I can ask questions, right?”

“Of course.” Hide leaned against the wall. “Shoot.”

“The investigator I fought earlier. Is he alright?”

Hide sighed. “Fine. Mild concussion. You know, if you hadn’t held back so much, you’d be in much better shape. After I got you out of there, I called in for a medic. Right now, they think you’re on the run, instead of with us.”

“And who is us?”

Hide’s back straightened. “Our organization was founded with the sole purpose of rebuilding the CCG. The current one is corrupted. There’s no reason innocent people should be killed, and there’s no reason for ghouls to not have human rights.”

Kaneki frowned. “Reform the CCG? And what do you want to turn it into?”

“Ideally we want it to be an organization made up of both ghouls and humans, who are able to enforce fair and equal rules and regulations to protect both humans and ghouls. We’re also looking for obtaining more food supplies for ghouls in safe and ethical matters. This includes looking for a way to create a synthetic food supply for ghouls, or to open up the possibility for donor meat from deceased individuals. Cochlea will only be used if necessary, and no ghouls there will be murdered.”

“And you’re trying to recruit me?”

“Yeah. You’re a powerful ghoul. As far as we know, you also have lots of connections with other ghouls. That and you’re not the type to go around killing people.” Hide shrugged. “So, what do you think?”

Kaneki tap his fingers against the washing machine and closed his eyes. “It sounds better than what we have now.”

Hide’s expression brightened. “Will you help us then?”

“I suppose.” Kaneki wanted to help making the world better for ghouls, even if it started with the organization Hide was a part of. The world was wrong. Kaneki had to start somewhere if he wanted to try to fix it. Part of the reason groups like Aogiri existed was because of the CCG. The CCG killed Hinami’s mother, they took away the childhood she could have had. The CCG was the reason Touka grew up on the streets. The CCG was the reason Nishiki and Kimi worried about the day they would have to separate. “What do you want me to do?”

“For now? Just chill out. Get settled. Drink some coffee.”


	2. Chapter 2

Hide went shopping the next day after asking Kaneki his clothing size. He brought back a few pairs of clothes, as well as toiletries. He also brought back a few new brands of coffee, as well as a couple books after seeing how happy Kaneki was while going through the bookshelves in the living room.

Kaneki curled up on the living room couch in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, reading one of the new books Hide got him. Hide was on the other side of the couch, watching a television show. Kaneki felt a little odd just laying about, but Hide assured him there wasn’t anything for them to do until they got the go-ahead. 

Hide stood. “I’m going to make myself some food. You want anything?” He narrowed his eyes as he examined Kaneki.

“I’ll come and make myself some coffee.” Hide made him coffee the other night. It wasn’t that Hide’s coffee was bad. It was actually pretty good. But, Kaneki found coffee making to be kind of therapeutic. It let him shut off his mind as he focussed on the familiar task.

Kaneki got out his ingredients and watched skeptically as Hide got his.

“Didn’t you eat that for breakfast too?” Kaneki stared at the small package of dried ramen Hide had in his hands. He remembered eating them when he was too busy at university, but it always made his body feel sluggish and crappy afterwards.

“I have like. Five boxes of these.” Hide shrugged. “I’m not a good cook. At all. Just about the only thing I can do is boil water and use the microwave. Besides, these are alright.”

Kaneki frowned and opened the fridge. “Don’t you have anything else?” The shelves were pretty much bare. The vast majority of what was in the fridge were the brown packages, which Kaneki was sure all contained human meat. Definitely not appropriate for Hide to eat. Other than that, there were a few eggs, but not really anything else. Kaneki didn’t see any vegetables or fruit in sight. Kaneki opted for opening the freezer. Again, lots of brown packages on one side, but on the other…

Kaneki pulled out what looked like fish. “Not exactly a balanced meal, but at least it’s real food.” Kaneki got on his tip toes and searched the cupboards as well, sighing when he saw instant rice. He supposed that would do as well. “You need to eat better.”

Hide sat back and watched Kaneki curiously as he cooked. Kaneki could feel his eyes on him the whole time. In the end, he only made some fried rice and fish, but Hide seemed pretty happy when it was placed in front of him.

“I’m kind of really excited,” he admitted. “I haven’t had someone make me a meal in a while.” His eyes were wide as he glanced between Kaneki and the food.

“Well, I hope it’s decent.” Kaneki smiled a little. It felt nice to make human food again. He hadn’t made it since he was… well, human. It gave him a sense of normalcy that he craved.

“If it tastes as good as it smells, then it’s awesome. Thanks for the food.”

Since Hide continued to devour the food after the first bite, Kaneki went to finish cleaning up the kitchen, sipping his coffee intermittently as he worked. When he was almost done, Hide brought up his plate and offered to finish up cleaning, but Kaneki waved him off.

“Pick up more fresh food the next time you go out,” Kaneki said. “The least I could do is cook for you. After all, no one goes hungry here, right?” And what Hide was apparently usually eating just wasn’t adequate.

“You’ve got me there,” Hide laughed, ruffling his own hair.

Kaneki finished up the dishes and rinsed his hands, happy to get back to his coffee. “Seriously, I don’t know how you’ve survived until now. I’m kind of worried.” Kaneki hid his smile with his coffee mug.

“Hey, I’m not that hopeless. Sometimes I get takeout. That has nutrients and stuff.”

“Sure. _Totally_ substantial.”

“I’m just a humble man eating humble food.”

“Humble.” Kaneki snorted, not bothering to hide his smile anymore. He definitely saw Hide checking out his own ass that morning in the stove’s reflection. “Uh-huh. Humble.” It was a nice ass though.

Hide gaped at him with mock indignation. “You’re one to talk. You’re probably – projecting or something.”

“I’d doubt that.”

“Alright, we’re going to settle this.” Hide looked Kaneki up and down, then grinned. He jabbed a finger at Kaneki. “Basement. Right now. We’re sparring. And when I win, you’ll admit I’m right.”

Kaneki didn’t even know there was a basement, but he agreed anyway since he could use the workout. Besides, he wanted to know exactly what Hide was capable of. Kaneki was already in clothes that allowed mobility, so he stayed in them, and went down to the basement. It was all concrete. Kaneki could see some patches in the floor where repairs were made. The vast majority of the space was empty, but on the right side, there were a few machines and a treadmill that Kaneki was sure to make use of later. Kaneki waited while Hide went back up to change into shorts and a t-shirt. When he came down, Kaneki noticed he also had something additional strapped to his waist. A sword, its hilt split into two. Kaneki could tell even from there that it was a quinque.

“Hide, are you an investigator?” Kaneki felt a little chill go through him.

“I am. I enrolled in the CCG’s academy when I was young.” A splitting grin spread across Hide’s face. “I told you our organization looks to reform the CCG. We can better do that from within the CCG itself. Besides, how do you think we got all those confidential documents about you?”

Kaneki felt his heart jump wildly with stress, but it gradually slowed. Hide being an investigator didn’t change much. He was still helping Kaneki, and Kaneki still thought he could trust him. “What’s going to happen if the CCG finds out what you’re doing?”

“Oh, I’ll probably get hanged.” Hide shrugged. “Either that or intentionally killed in action if the CCG don’t want the public to know.”

“Aren’t you scared?”

Hide shrugged again. “Not as scared as I would be if I was doing nothing to help. Even more so after all the ghouls, all the people, I’ve met while helping. It would devastate me if anything happened to them.”

Kaneki nodded in agreeance.

“Should we start now?” Hide got ready in a defensive stance.

Kaneki stepped forward, pulling of his shirt and tossing it to the side. He didn’t want his kagune to destroy the clothes Hide just got for him. “Yeah.”

Kaneki started the attack first, deciding not to start off with using his kagune. He would only use it if he had to. Hide dodged Kaneki’s punch effortlessly, circling behind him. They went on like that for a while, Hide dodging Kaneki’s hits, but doing nothing in return, all while Kaneki waited for him to do something to make him release his kagune.

Finally it happened. Kaneki head a click as Hide unsheathed one of his swords, swinging it towards Kaneki’s abdomen. In return, Kaneki’s kagune formed with a crackle in the air and he blocked Hide’s strike. Hide only grinned, grabbing his other sword as well and forcing Kaneki back.

Kaneki’s kagune curled protectively around him as he charged in, catching Hide in the side with a kick. It wasn’t a hard kick. More than anything, Kaneki made light contact, then used his leg to shove Hide away. Hide stumbled a little, letting out a harsh explicative, but still grinning nonetheless.

It was different than sparring with a ghoul. Sure, Kaneki never wanted to hurt anyone he worked with, but there was always the comfort in knowing that if his friend was a ghoul, they could heal if there were any accidents. Hide, on the other hand, was terrifyingly fragile, even if he was a skilled investigator.

“Stop dozing off.” Hide knocked him in the chest with the hilt of his sword, knocking the breath out of him. “Let’s get a little more serious.” Hide clicked some buttons on the side of his quinque and Kaneki watched as they transformed. The thin and straight blades became jagged and wriggled with life. The long, red spikes moved back and forth randomly, and Kaneki knew if he got hit with it, it would tear him open.

Hide attacked again and Kaneki brought up his kagune to blocking, grunting when he saw Hide’s quinque started to saw through it. If Hide wanted to be serious, Kaneki would just have to show him how serious he was. It wasn’t like he could go through the entire fight without getting hit anyway, and a little pain was nothing to him, especially when he could heal the way he did.

He saw Hide’s eyes widen as he charged in again, his kagune ready to strike. Hide brought up his quinque protectively, but it didn’t matter. Kaneki felt one tear through his side as he wrapped his kagune around Hide’s wrists and hands, squeezing until Hide was forced to drop them. He wrapped an additional kagune around Hide’s throat loosely.

“I guess this is my win.” Kaneki smiled and pulled the quinque out of his side, wincing when it tore a little more, blood gushing down to the floor. He turned back to Hide triumphed, but was surprised to see Hide’s face twisted with anger.

“Lay down. Don’t move.” Despite how angry he was, Hide still guided him down gently, like he was afraid to hurt Kaneki. He stood up and jabbed a finger at Kaneki’s chest. “Stay. I’ll be right back.”

Hide disappeared up the stairs, then came back down shortly after with a package of human meat and some towels. He handed the meat to Kaneki, and Kaneki would have argued, but he was silenced by the look on Hide’s face. Silently, Kaneki took it. Meanwhile, Hide pressed some towels to Kaneki’s side. While the wound had already started to heal and wasn’t bleeding anymore, there was still plenty of blood covering his side. Hide wiped it away, then watched with a strangely blank face as the wound healed.

“Why did you do that?” He finally asked, his voice tight. He sat back on his heels and met Kaneki’s eyes.

“To win?” Kaneki frowned. “I heal, so I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal.” Though, it was to Hide apparently.

“Not a big deal…” Hide sighed sharply. “This wasn’t an actual fight. It was sparring. I didn’t want to hurt you, but you went and jumped right on my sword… just to _win_?”

“I wanted to show you what I’m capable of.”

“What you showed me you’re capable of is having zero regard for your own wellbeing.”

Well, he wasn’t really wrong there.

Hide’s expression slowly softened when Kaneki didn’t answer. He put a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll go upstairs so you can eat. I’ll come down in ten minutes to help clean up.”

Kaneki hated it, but he ate. After all, he did make a promise to Hide. He wasn’t as hungry as he was the last time he ate, so he didn’t make that much of a mess, even though the blood dripping down the insides of the paper tempted him to lick it clean. Afterwards, he put his hand on his side and felt the tissue finish knitting back together as he waited for Hide to come back down. He stayed on the ground, thinking Hide probably wouldn’t want him moving around so much after being injured.

After the set amount of time, Hide descended the stairs again, this time with some water and more towels. Hide handed the water to Kaneki and set down all the towels but one. He stiffened when Hide reached towards his face with it, the towel cold and damp against his skin. He was horrified when he saw blood on it when Hide pulled away. He must have gotten blood on his cheek while he was eating. Kaneki urgently wiped his face with his forearm, hoping there wasn’t any more.

“Sorry,” Hide whispered softy. He handed the towel to Kaneki so he could finish cleaning up.

Once Kaneki was sure he had no more blood on his face, he moved to cleaning it from his side. The wound was essentially healed, leaving Kaneki with guilt over the blood on his clothes and the blood on the floor.

“No,” Kaneki said. “I’m sorry. I’ve caused trouble for you.”

Hide face pinched up a little again. “Cleaning up blood isn’t a big deal, but I’d rather you didn’t carelessly go around injuring yourself. Can you promise me you won’t do that?”

He really did feel bad about the blood. “I promise.”

~<3<3<3~

Hide was a little quieter since what happened in the basement. It had been a few days, making the total time Kaneki was at the house a week. As Hide promised, he brought home more natural food, giving Kaneki the opportunity to cook for him.

Most of the time, Hide was sitting and typing on his computer, explaining that he had to finish his report for his most recent mission, one he had before he met Kaneki. Sadly, he would so be heading back to work at the CCG soon.

“Sorry, I know I’m leaving you here all by yourself.”

“I don’t mind.” Kaneki liked the solitude. He was comfortable with it, though it could be a little lonely.

“We should really get working on a disguise for you. You probably shouldn’t go back to Anteiku right now, but I assume you can get back into contact with your friends?”

“What kind of disguise do you have in mind?”

Hide just smiled at that, so Kaneki was a little worried what Hide was going to make him look like. “While I’m at that, why don’t I introduce you to some of the people I work with?”

Kaneki stiffened a little. “What kind of people?”

Hide held up his hands defensively. “They’re alright! I swear! One of them is actually a fairly new recruit to our cause, and he’s really eager to meet you. I wonder if you remember him…” Hide pointed to his shoulder. “Actually, you took a chunk out of him. Big guy. Super serious. Kind of a downer. Really fun to tease. Strong world views.”

_This world is wrong_. “What’s his name?” Kaneki had been wondering for a long while.

“Amon Koutarou.” Hide’s eyes were bright. “So, will you meet with him?”

Kaneki wanted to. He wanted to talk with Amon ever since they first met. But at the same time, he was terrified of it. He was terrified of the types of questions he would ask. He was terrified of the way Amon would look at him. He was terrified that he would mess everything up, that he wouldn’t give the types of answers Amon wanted to hear.

“Hey, relax.” Hide reached out and touched Kaneki’s elbow gently. “You’re just meeting him. That’s all, nothing too big. Remember, if you want, I’ll be there to moderate. If you aren’t comfortable, I’ll send him off. He’s a surprisingly understanding guy.”

“…I’ll meet him.”

Hide spoke cautiously. “He has this afternoon off. Do you want to meet him then, or do you need a little more time?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be prepared, so if it’s convenient for him, we might as well meet today.” Kaneki felt his stomach turn with nervousness at his own words.

“I’ll let him know.” Hide pulled out his phone, mostly likely to send a short text to Amon. “For now, why don’t we have some lunch?”

Cooking helped Kaneki calm his nerves a little, or at the very least, let him push them to the side. Hide was also pretty distracting, playing music and blabbing to Kaneki about some type of celebrity gossip. Kaneki wasn’t usually interested in that sort of thing, but Hide somehow managed to keep him engaged, speaking in a very animated way. Kaneki was more amused by the way Hide was reacting than to the news itself. Hide ate, Kaneki drank coffee, and eventually the time neared when Kaneki would be meeting Amon. All the nerves came back as they went to stand by the entrance to the house.

“You don’t have to hide behind me, you know.” Hide threw a smile over his shoulder. “I’m sure he’s just as nervous to meet you.”

“I’m not hiding behind you.” Kaneki frowned and stepped up so that he was beside Hide instead of behind his right shoulder. He _definitely_ felt better when he was hiding behind Hide.

Hide gave a little chuckle and nudged Kaneki in the side. “It’ll be fine.”

There was a knock on the front door and Hide sprung to open it, leaving Kaneki hanging back awkwardly. The door swung open and Kaneki saw the mountain of a man standing there, just as awkward, with a curious expression.

“Hello… Kaneki.”

“Amon.” The name felt strange in Kaneki’s mouth. This was the same investigator that worked with the man that killed Hinami’s mother, and the one Kaneki fought to protect Hinami and Touka as well. The last time he met him, Kaneki thought he attributed the wrongs in the world to ghouls. So, what changed since then?

Hide shut the door behind Amon and cleared his throat. “So uh –“

“I’m so sorry,” Amon’s words came out in a rush as he ducked his head “It’s my fault.”

“Uh –“ Hide reached out towards him, then withdrew his hand with a sigh.

Kaneki turned to him, his brows furrowed and his stomach turning. “What do you mean by that?”

“I…” Amon’s expression was pained. “I was tasked with your investigation. The reason the CCG found out you were Eyepatch… that was my fault.”

Kaneki spun and faced Hide, who looked like he was even more pained than Amon. “You know, I’m _really_ regretting letting _you_ tell him.” He turned to Kaneki. “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I _thought_ it would be better if he did.”

“No, you were afraid to be the one to tell me.” By the guilty expression on Hide’s face, Kaneki knew he hit the nail on his head. “You knew I would be _reluctant_ to join your cause if I knew the person who exposed me, who potentially exposed my friends, was _working_ with you.”

“I wasn’t working with Nagachika when I discovered your identity.” Amon said and Kaneki’s attention snapped back to him. “The reason I was recruited was because I was opposed to what the CCG planned to do to you.”

“And what did they want to do to me?” Kaneki’s head was spinning.

“They wanted to capture you and use you as a research subject.” Amon took a deep breath. “I argued that we should help you. What happened to you… it was done by a former CCG doctor. In the end, what happened to you is the CCG’s fault. But, they had no interest in helping you, even though you were a victim. Instead they would have condemned you to a lifetime at cochlea, subject to numerous experimentations. In addition to that, they wanted to wipe your record clean, erase the proof of what happened to you, and erase their cause in your creation.”

“So what?” Kaneki’s voice was low and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hide squirm a little. “I’m just a ghoul. I’m not human anymore. I’ve long thrown away that part of myself. What does it matter what they do to me? I’m sure much of the public would be grateful for the capture of another ghoul. And the experimentations they would do on me… what if that’s for the greater good?”

“Maybe in the past I would’ve thought that,” Amon said. “But not now. Ghouls are people. You’re a person. And you deserve more. Though you say you’ve thrown away the part of you that was human…” Amon paused and he examined Kaneki. “I don’t think you’ve given up on your humanity. I think you’re a kind person. You care for others. You don’t deserve what the CCG would do to you. I used to have faith in them, but not anymore. I’ve heard stories about the types of things that go on in cochlea. I didn’t used to believe them. Now I’m not so sure. I don’t think it would do any good for you to be there.” Kaneki could hear the genuine confusion and distress in Amon’s voice.

“And so here you are.”

“Here I am.” Amon sighed. “When I found out what they planned, I didn’t know what to do. But, Nagachika came to me and offered help.”

“So, I guess you could say Amon was the reason we scouted you,” Hide interjected. “We didn’t know much about you based on reports, but based on Amon’s testimony, we figured it was safe to approach you.”

Kaneki frowned. So Amon was the reason he lost his home. Conversely, he was also the one who helped him find a new one. “The CCG finding me, it was inevitable. It would have happened even if you weren’t assigned to my case. And in the end, I suppose I’m glad it was you.”

Some tension drained out of Amon’s shoulders. Hide stepped forward and clapped Amon on the back.

“How about we go get some coffee?” Hide must’ve known by then that coffee helped calm Kaneki’s nerves. But, Kaneki wasn’t as nervous as he was before. He was more in a state of shock. He followed Hide into the kitchen, waving him away from the coffee maker when he went to go make it himself.

Kaneki could feel Amon’s eyes on him. “Hide, don’t you think you should offer Amon something to eat?” It was half to remind Hide to be a good host, half to get Amon’s attention of him.

“Ah! Right.” Hide rushed to the counter, opening a half-full bag. “Kaneki made these yesterday. They’re really good.”

So much for Amon’s eyes being off Kaneki. “You made them?” he asked.

“I did.” Kaneki said bluntly. “Cooking is nice.”

Hide, almost proudly, handed Amon a cheesy bun. Hide cast a look in Kaneki’s direction, giving him a sly smile. _That little shit_. So much for helping Kaneki calm his nerves. Kaneki finished making the coffee, dumping way too much sugar in Hide’s.

Kaneki carried their coffees to the table, setting Amon’s and Hide’s down in front of him. Kaneki sipped his own coffee and watched as Hide took a sip of his. Hide’s reaction was small, but worth it. Kaneki smiled as Hide’s nose wrinkled a little and he glance up, obviously seeing Kaneki’s pleased expression.

“Kaneki?” Amon was oblivious. “I’ve been wondering… there’s been one thing that’s been bothering me. During the Aogiri raid, I saw you. You aren’t working with Aogiri, are you?”

“No,” Kaneki said shortly. “I’m not.” Amon looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but shut his mouth when he caught the expression Hide was sending him.

Kaneki set his coffee down on the table and clenched his fists in his lap. The thought of someone thinking he could have possibly joined Aogiri sickened him.

Kaneki didn’t notice, but Hide must have sent a signal to Amon in some way, because suddenly he was getting up, half-eaten bun still in his hand as he bowed and apologized, then quickly left the room. As Kaneki heard the front door open and close, Hide stood in front of him.

“My apologies, I didn’t know that was a sensitive topic.” Hide reached for Kaneki’s hand and unfurled it, revealing the bloody nail marks in Kaneki’s palm. Hide pulled on his wrist gently and Kaneki let himself be guided to the sink, where Hide rinsed his palm with cold water. After he was done one, he reached for Kaneki’s other. “I’m guessing you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t.” Kaneki took his hands back and dried them on his shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have an excuse for this being so late, considering I only had to alter one scene because it was really bothering me. 
> 
> Anyway, seasonal depression sucks, am I right? Especially with being in lockdown. On a better note, I watched both Alice in Borderland and Sweet Home on Netflix and absolutely loved both. I also went and read the Sweet Home webtoon, and read Bastard as well (which is from the same author). I'm reliving my childhood by watching some Sailor Moon episodes occasionally as well.


	3. Chapter 3

After escaping Aogiri and killing Jason, Kaneki didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that he wanted to fight. He wanted to put an end to Aogiri. But he couldn’t if he didn’t attack the root cause. Aogiri existed in opposition to the CCG. If the CCG didn’t exist, then would Aogiri? But if the CCG didn’t exist, what stood in the way of dangerous ghouls going on killing sprees?

Kaneki thought back to what the investigator said to him. _This world is wrong._ It was, and Kaneki didn’t know how to fix it. If it even could be fixed.

Numbly, Kaneki followed behind Nishiki as he carried Touka. They traveled some distance, then got into the back of a van. Kaneki assumed it belonged to the manager. He wasn’t sure who was driving. Touka had regained consciousness, but remained silent. No one spoke, and Kaneki simply stared out the window as the streetlights went past.

To Kaneki’s surprised, they pulled up to his home. Nishiki got out, followed by Touka, who still moved with some pain. Confused, Kaneki got out after them. Nishiki dug around in his pocket, then handed Kaneki a set of keys.

“From your locker at work,” Nishki said. “You gonna let us in?”

It was surreal to step inside. Kaneki thought he would never make it back, that he would be stuck in that room with Jason forever. It felt like forever. He curled his toes against the cold tiled floor, checking to make sure that it was real. That it wasn’t a dream. But it couldn’t be a dream, since all his dreams lately were nightmares. He took one step, then another. His apartment hadn’t changed since he left it. There were a few mugs sitting out to dry by the sink and a couple of dirty shirts on the ground that didn’t quite make it to his laundry basket.

As Nishiki closed the door behind them, Kaneki went over to the sink, turning it on and squirting some dish soap into his hands. It was difficult to clean, with all the caked-on blood and dirt. After a few moments, Kaneki grabbed his dish scrubber, figuring he wouldn’t need it anymore anyway.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Nishiki start to rummage through his cupboards, pulling out some coffee grinds. “You two should probably take showers.”

Kaneki heard Touka grunt her agreeance and Kaneki finished washing his hands. He dried them and then went to the bathroom, pulling out a couple towels. Next he went to one of his dressers and pulled out some clothes. He handed a towel to Touka and some spare clothes.

“You should go first. I’ll be a while.” Kaneki spoke quietly.

As Touka went to shower, he went back to the kitchen and leaned against the counter, waiting for Nishiki to be done making the coffee. Nishiki handed him a full mug once it was and stood close beside Kaneki. He didn’t say anything, but Kaneki found his presence reassuring, despite the rough past they had. Kaneki stared down into his coffee up when he wasn’t drinking it, trying his best to drown out all his thoughts.

He was safe. He was okay. He was home. Except he wasn’t. He didn’t feel safe. He felt like danger was lurking around him, waiting for an opportunity to attack, waiting for Kaneki to lower his guard, waiting to kill his friends. He didn’t feel okay. Nausea wormed up through his stomach, the coffee not helping to settle it. He felt like his head was going to split open, like he just wanted to either collapse or scream. Instead, he drank more coffee, trying to quell the doubts swirling inside him.

Home was supposed to feel safe. Kaneki didn’t feel safe anywhere. He didn’t know if he could ever feel safe again.

He had no home.

There was a click and Touka slipped out of the bathroom. Kaneki drank the rest of his coffee and rushed inside. He tossed his dirty clothes to the ground, deciding to throw them out, though burning them would’ve been so much more satisfying. Once inside, Kaneki sat down, simply letting the pellets of water wash over him. He stared at his toes, whole and complete, and wiggled them. Almost experimentally, Kaneki ran his fingers over them, the water running off him in rivulets and turning a reddish brown. 

It was a long while before he picked up his soap and cleaned himself in earnest. When he was finally done, he must have been there in there for an hour or more, spending a good five minutes trying to clean his fingernails again, but to no avail.

Even if was just a little, Kaneki stepped out of the bathroom feeling better. Touka was sitting on the couch, having turned on the news, and Kaneki sat beside her. The news was coving the Aogiri raid, detailed on it, and what the public could do to stay safe. Kaneki was sure she was listening to make sure them, or any of their allies, weren’t exposed during the raid. Certainly, there would be many pictures and sketches of ghouls who escaped being distributed later that night or in the morning.

“Why don’t you get some sleep?” Kaneki jumped a little at Touka’s voice, though it was much gentler than it usually was. “You look like you need it.” She patted her side and hesitantly, Kaneki leaned against her. He wasn’t used to this side of her. There was the nagging, churning feeling in his stomach that told him she was only being so kind because she pitied him, but he pushed it away. If she only had pity for him, she wouldn’t have come to help rescue him.

Even with his wildly running thoughts, Kaneki still felt soothed by the contact, feeling Touka’s warmth through her borrowed clothes. It only took a few minutes for his eyelids to grow heavy. He was tired. So, so tired. Distantly, he felt Nishiki drape a blanket over him, him and Touka speaking in low voices. Kaneki was too exhausted to make out what they were saying.

Finally, his mind was calmingly blank. Relieved, he went to sleep.

Thankfully, he didn’t have nightmares that first night, like his brain was cutting him a break after nearly two weeks of constant fear, constant pain, not even being able to escape when he asleep or went unconscious. He woke up late in the morning, but still didn’t feel rested. He sat up, still surprised to see his apartment when he opened his eyes, not the checkered room he was held in for so long. His arms weren’t bound, Jason wasn’t coming for him, and Jason wouldn’t be coming for his friends either.

Touka was asleep next to him, scowling, probably because Kaneki jostled her when he suddenly sat up. At some point in the night, Kaneki must have slid down, his head falling in her lap. Carefully, as to not disturb her any further, Kaneki pulled the blanket over her.

Wandering around his apartment, Kaneki found that Nishiki must have left at some point, having washed their coffee cups before he left. Falling into his old morning routine, Kaneki started brewing a pot of coffee, having to pause before he remembered to make enough for Touka too. As he made it, he heard her slowly rousing and cursing about her sore back.

As she padded into the kitchen, Kaneki handed her a cup filled to the brim. She yawned, then hummed as she drank it. “Your couch is a piece of shit,” she muttered.

Kaneki smiled. “I know. Sorry.”

“Did you sleep alright, at least?”

“Surprisingly well…” Kaneki paused. “What’s going to happen now?”

“Now? We head back to work and school.” Touka sighed. “I doubt Aogiri will come after us right now. They’ll be recovering from the CCG’s attack, won’t have time to go after us just for revenge for quite a while.”

“And what do we do until then?” Kaneki could hardly imagine going back to his real life, living every day the way he used to. Sitting in a classroom and making coffee at Anteiku for customers… it was unthinkable.

“Prepare. That’s all we can do.”

~<3<3<3~

Once again, Kaneki found himself waking up on a couch, a blanket draped over him. He rolled over and faced the cushions, sighing softly. It was pitch black, the only sound in the house was Hide snoring, and the distant sound of car going down the road outside. Sitting up, Kaneki pulled the blanket off and tentatively put his feet on the ground. With his arms out in front of him, he stumbled his way to the kitchen and flicked the light on. He blinked away the stinging in his eyes as he made his way to the coffee maker. Even before he was a ghoul, when he was just an overworked college student, coffee was essential in the morning. Although, he made it a whole lot better than he used to.

Once there was a pot made, Kaneki leaned against the counter and slowly drank his first cup, peering up at the bright and cartoonish clock Hide had hung on the wall. It was just after four in the morning. He finished a couple more cups, then snuck as quietly as he could down to the basement.

Ever since Hide showed him the basement, Kaneki had been making good use of it, for at least an hour and a half, twice a day. It was better than simply doing some body weight exercises in his room when he woke up. Also, he could do cardio.

After stretching, he started on the treadmill, trying to work off the stress his dream had given him. Normally, he was stressed as was. However, his dream left him with a sense of urgency, to get stronger, to protect, to get ready, because if he wasn’t, everyone he loved and cared about would be killed. It left him feeling like he had just stepped out of Jason’s Playroom.

Usually, his nightmares involved what was done to him in that room, all the horrors he faced. He saw mother and child, killed over and over again. They happened often enough that he woke up Hide at least twice, causing him to come to Kaneki’s door with a cup of coffee and a cold cloth. Kaneki didn’t know if he screamed, or maybe counted numbers, or tossed and turned so insistently that it was loud enough for Hide to hear. Regardless, he would be there, and he wouldn’t ask any questions, which Kaneki greatly appreciated. 

At some point, Kaneki was finished with cardio, gasping for breath and taking a few minutes to rest before he moved on to the weights. In the months after he escaped Aogiri, Kaneki had been training relentlessly, both by himself and with Touka. Maybe if he was still human, and his concern was picking up cute, intelligent women, he would have appreciated the physique his body took on. Now, it was simply a necessity to be faster, stronger, better. His body was his weapon.

“How long you been down here?”

Kaneki startled at Hide’s voice, looking up to see him leaning against the wall next to the stairs with two cups of coffee in his hands, as well as a couple water bottles under his arm. How long he was standing there, Kaneki didn’t know.

“Depends what time it is.”

“Almost eight.”

“About three hours then.” Kaneki stood and walked over to Hide, taking the coffee he extended out to him. “I’m surprised you’re up this early.” Hide usually woke up later, somewhere between ten and twelve.

“I’m getting back to my sleep schedule for work.” Hide groaned, rubbing his eyes. “I despise myself for falling out of it in the first place. It’s gonna be a rough couple days.”

It seemed so soon. Kaneki felt surprisingly lonely when he wasn’t around. He really needed to go out and do something. See people. Talk to his friends. He was starting to feel anxious about not knowing what was going with them.

Almost as if reading his mind, Hide said. “I’ll get a disguise put together for you today, so I’ll be heading out for a bit. Do you have books left that you haven’t read?”

Kaneki shook his head. “I’ve already read a few of them twice.”

“I’ll grab some of those too then.” Hide ran his fingers through his hair. “Got any plans for today?”

Kaneki shrugged. “I might stay down here for a bit longer. I need to let off some steam.”

“Fair enough.” Hide fixed him with a look and handed Kaneki the two water bottles under his arm. “Make sure you stay hydrated – coffee isn’t hydration. And eat something – your body’s using a lot of energy to repair your muscles.”

Kaneki smiled a little. “I will. Thank you.”

After Hide left, Kaneki continued to work out, only stopping when he felt completely spent, collapsing on the ground. He gulped down the rest of his water and laid against the cool cement, turning his cheek against it. His stomach gave a decisive growl and with a groan, he rose and made his way to the kitchen. After eating, he headed to the shower, feeling like he desperately needed one. His shirt was practically soaked. While he was in there, he heard Hide come back in, cursing as he collided with something.

Stepping turned the shower off and wrapped a towel around himself. When he exited, Hide was standing there, and he excitedly pushed a few things into Kaneki’s arms. “Try these on!” He then put his hands on Kaneki’s shoulders and insistently pushed him back into the bathroom.

One of the bags was full of clothes. The other had a wig and a bald cap. Kaneki put the items on, the clothes making him look a little softer and round, and the wig obscuring his distinctive hair. Kaneki could still see himself under the disguise, but he wondered if others would as well. When he stepped out, Hide gave him a solid thumbs up.

“It’s our lucky day. Amon’s been tasked with following Touka, so if you want to get into contact with her, now is the time. If we hurry, you should be able to catch her on her way home from school.”

“Let’s hurry then.”

With Hide’s home being based in the twentieth ward, it wasn’t that far of a walk. Some enough, Kaneki saw Touka walking down the street, right beside her friend, Yoriko. They paused as they stopped in front of Yoriko’s house, Touka waving to her as she disappeared inside. Kaneki waited until she was a good distance away from her home, then approached her.

“Touka.”

She jumped, then spun with a scowl as she recognized his voice. “ _Asshole_. What are you doing here? What if we’re seen?”

“Don’t worry about that. It’s all covered. I wouldn’t be talking to you if it wasn’t safe.” Kaneki wouldn’t put her in danger like that.

Touka still didn’t look to happy, but she relented. “Are you okay?”

“I am,” Kaneki assured. “I was more worried about everyone else.”

“The manager has a plan if things go south, so you don’t have to be.” Touka sighed. “Though, there have been quite a few investigators buzzing around. It’s putting everyone on edge. Nishiki is especially pissy.”

“Sound pretty characteristic of him.” Kaneki scratched at his wig, wincing when it became crooked.

Touka frowned. “Some shit disguise you got there.”

“Speaking of that, could you get a few things for me. I’ll repay you.”

Touka glared at him. “How the hell are you going to do that if you don’t have a job?” Nevertheless, she humoured him. “What do you need?”

~<3<3<3~

A couple days later and it was time for Hide to return to work. The day before he left, he handed Kaneki a small bag. Opening, Kaneki was surprised to find a cell phone.

“I wouldn’t advise messaging your friends right now. The CCG is definitely tracking their calls and messages. If you decide to go out to see them, send me: _you busy?_ or _wanna hang?_ and the address you’re at. It’s best if it’s something like a café. I’ll come and make sure you weren’t followed, then we can head home.” Next, he handed Kaneki a sheet. “Here’s the schedules when someone trustworthy is following your friends. Be careful of the shift changes.”

Kaneki nodded and looked at Touka’s schedule. “I’ll be heading out tomorrow then, if that’s alright.” When Hide nodded, Kaneki also listed off the name of a park he knew was within walking distance of her house. “I’ll be there by three in the afternoon. You’ll stop by after work?”

“Yeah. I’m off at four.”

The next day, Kaneki was buzzing with excitement. Touka handed him a plastic bag, her face twisted with amusement. “Go put these on _right now_. I need to see this.” She pushed him towards the bathroom. “There’s a few extra things I got that I thought might help.”

Kaneki went into the bathroom and started changing. The bra felt a little snug, but Kaneki figured he would get used to it. At least Touka got him one with a front clasp. Otherwise, he didn’t want to know what type of contortions he would have to do to get the thing off. He pulled on the black leggings, hiding both the hair and (somewhat) the muscles of his legs. Overtop went the beige sweater dress, the baggy and soft fabric helping to somewhat hide his muscular build. One of the items Touka added was a thin, black belt. When Kaneki found it was too small for his hips, he wrapped it around his waist, seeing the look Touka was aiming for. It made him look like he had more of an hourglass figure.

Kaneki left his bald cap on and switched out the wigs, taking off the black one Hide got him and putting on the blonde one Touka got him. The blonde one already looked a lot better, but Kaneki just couldn’t get the bangs to stay in place. Deciding to deal with that later, he took the wig off and instead focused on the makeup. He was a relatively good artist, so he really didn’t think it would be all that hard.

And he was proved so, so wrong. The very first thing he did was jab himself in the eye with the eyeliner. It stung, and he just barely managed to pry his eye open to flush it with water. When he looked up at the mirror, his eye was very pink and he had black smeared across his cheek. He tried again, but the lines still looked way too think and very uneven. He wiped all of it off, his irritated eye and his raw skin healing and going back to their normal colour.

“Touka,” Kaneki called. “I could use a little help.”

“What is it?” Touka asked. When Kaneki held up the eyeliner in explanation, she scoffed. “Can you not even do that? Come here and close your eyes.”

Touka held him still with one hand and drew on him with the other, Kaneki trying not to flinch every time the tip of the pencil came down on his lid. Touka drew for a solid minute. Then, she pulled back, cursing under her breath.

Kaneki spun and looked in the mirror, seeing an utter mess on eyelids. “It looks _worse_.”

“It’s not like I know how to put it on other people.” Touka threw a towel at him. “Wipe that bullshit off your face. We’re sticking with mascara today.”

Kaneki laughed and wiped his face off again. He was amazed how easily the eyeliner smeared, and yet, how incredibly difficult it was to actually get off. One he was done, he tried the mascara out and attempted to apply it to his eyelashes, darkening and lengthening them just like he saw in the ads. Instead, what came out was a clumpy mess that left more black smears on his eyelids. He turned to Touka, feeling a little helpless. She pursed her lips, then handed him a few cotton swabs.

“Try to touch it up with this.” She stood and watched as Kaneki cleaned yet another mess from his eyelids. It was fairly easy, but the eyelashes themselves were a problem. He wet the cotton swap and swiped at the clumps, removing the vast majority of them. In the end, he was left with a fairly decent result, though his lashes weren’t as long as he wanted them to be. He looked towards Touka again, who nodded in approval.

“You already have a softer face, so it’s much more believable. On top of that, you already have good skin and it’s not like ghouls get blemishes, so you shouldn’t need any concealer.” She frowned. “I should have gotten you some blush though. Your cheeks are pale. For now, we should be able to use some of the lipstick to make them pink.” She handed him a tube of lipstick. “I hate the stuff. Takes like shit, but it’s weird for someone in high school to not wear it. Would look weird if you didn’t too. Apply it thinly.”

Kaneki did as she told, careful to not apply it outside his lip line. Once he was done, he was pleased with the result. After that, he dabbed a little on his fingertips and rubbed it into his cheeks, careful to not go too dark.

“Damn. I’m actually kind of upset about how good you look.” Touka murmured as Kaneki put the wig back on, once again fussing with the bangs. Touka took a bottle off the counter. “Close your eyes.” She put what Kaneki assumed was hairspray into his hair. After that, it stayed put much better.

“I do look pretty.” Kaneki did a few turns to check out both sides. He looked alright, though he was already longing for his sweatpants and to clean his face. Aside from that, there was something missing. Squinting, Kaneki finally decided it was his posture, the way he was standing. Although, he supposed Touka regularly stood similarly. Doing the only thing he could think of doing, he tried to mimic Rize the best he could.

“All that’s left is the shoes.” Touka pulled them out of the last bag. Kaneki asked for flats. Instead, what Touka pulled out had at least two inches on them. He opened his mouth to argue, but closed it when he saw Touka’s gleeful smile. “Seems like you’re going to have to learn how to walk in them.”

Kaneki sputtered. After a moment, he took the high heels from Touka. He sat on the edge of the bathtub and put them on. He struggled a little with the clasps, but eventually got them on. At least Touka still got his size right. He stood, taking a few experimental steps. He felt wobbly, like he was always just about to lose his balance, but he managed all right. He stepped outside the bathroom and paced around a bit, smiling with triumph when he though he got the hang of it. Behind him, he heard Touka muttering with distain.

There were about half an hour before Kaneki had to go to the park for three o’clock, so Touka made them some coffee and they sat around in her living room, the silence peaceful. Kaneki brought a book with him, but he decided to leave reading it for when he was in the park. Instead, he just enjoyed the company and the silence. Until, as always, some thought started nagging in the back of head and he had to voice it.

“You’ll be careful, right?” Even though Hide’s organization was willing to give the people of Anteiku a place to live, he was still worried for all of them. What if the investigators got to them first?

“Idiot,” Touka said. “We’ve been at this a lot longer than you have. How many times do I have to tell you not to worry?”

“A few times more, at least.”

Touka’s expression softened a little. “The manager will look after us. He always has. Also, it’s not like any of us there can’t handle ourselves.” She tossed one of the couch pillows at Kaneki’s head.

Kaneki hastily brought up a hand to block it. “Hey! Don’t ruin my hair.”

Touka laughed and threw another. “Speaking of that, I’m a little more concerned for you. I’m guessing you found somewhere to stay – that’s good.”

Kaneki could hear the curiosity in her voice. He didn’t want to give away too much information. He knew Touka would be wary if she knew he was staying with an investigator – she might even think Hide was tricking him or something. She didn’t like humans either, but it was better than saying the alternative. “I’m staying with a human. He pulled me off the street after the CCG caught up to me.”

“Were you hurt?”

“Significantly. But so was the investigator. That being said, the human rescued me, and I’m straying with him right now.” Kaneki hoped Touka wouldn’t ask him too much more. Thankfully, she didn’t.

A little while later, Kaneki left for the park. It was still nice out, so Kaneki was able to find a bench to sit on and enjoy the sun. He sat there with his book and read silently, smiling when a small dog on a leach came up to sniff his leg before it passed. The air was nice, the trees swaying in it gently. Kaneki did always like reading outside when he was at university. He felt much less cramped.

Kaneki was startled when he felt the phone buzz in his pocket. Kaneki scrambled for it, almost dropping his book as he went to put it in his purse (also compliments of Touka). When he pulled out his phone, he saw it was Hide messaging him: _I’m here._ Kaneki glanced around, half expecting to see familiar blonde hair. Instead, he saw a familiar disguise.

Kaneki stood and snuck around so he was behind Hide, using the opportunity of Hide pulling up his phone – presumably to message Kaneki again – to get close and tap him on the shoulder.

Hide spun, confusion on his face when he met Hide’s eyes. He stood there for a long moment, a message half typed on his phone, before he gasped. He gripped Kaneki’s shoulders and gave him a shake. “I didn’t even recognize you.”

“So the disguise is good then?” Kaneki brought his hands up to his head to make sure the wig wouldn’t slip. Glancing around, he could see that people were starting to stare. “But – uh – maybe you should stop shaking me.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Hide stepped back and grinned. “Let’s go home. I’ve got some news.”

Kaneki’s eyebrows rose at that and he followed Hide. They cut through the crowds, Kaneki struggling to keep up with Hide in his heels. When Hide noticed, he slowed down, reaching back to take Kaneki’s hand so that they wouldn’t get separated on the busy streets of Tokyo.

Eventually they stumbled home, sneaking in the backdoor. Hide laughed, seeing how mussed Kaneki’s hair was, little pieces stuck to his lipstick and his cheeks. Kaneki sighed and pulled the wig and the bald cap off, ruffling his fingers through his own hair, which had gotten a little sweaty after his scalp was under so many layers. The heels came off next and Kaneki set them by the door, happy to walk around normally.

“Come back to the kitchen when you’re done,” Hide called.

Kaneki rushed off to his room and changed into a t-shirt and sweats. Coming back to the kitchen, he could see Hide had some coffee made and was sitting at the table pensively. When Kaneki sat across from him, he started explaining, pulling out a laptop.

“We came across some information from one of the people we’re investigating in the CCG.” Hide clicked a few things, then spun the computer around so Kaneki could look. On it was a profile, with a man with a mole on his face. “Furuta Nimura,” Hide said. “Now, beware. I’m going to start bragging a bit, cuz this was my personal project. Anyway, Furuta isn’t high ranked, doesn’t seem exceptionally powerful or influential. Essentially, he’s nothing special. He’s not suspicious, or so others have told me – repeatedly.” Hide grinned. “But. _But_. I’ve been doing investigations on him for the past few months, whenever I’ve had the free time. Ever since I met him at the head office, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off with him. I followed him around a bit, found he was going to the hospital a lot – nothing too uncommon for an investigator. We regularly see doctors for injuries, or visit our colleagues who’ve landed themselves there. But it wasn’t that he was going to the hospital, it was _who_ he was visiting there. Now, that didn’t become relevant until we found out about you. Because the person he was visiting there –“

“Was Dr. Kanou.” Kaneki frowned. “Is that really enough to incriminate him though? Kanou _is_ a doctor. He _does_ see patients. What if this Furuta guy is just one of them?”

Hide pouted a little. “Well, there’s nothing definite yet, but I’ve planted trackers on his shoes. That way we can track him all hours of the day, see if he goes to any locations that are worth checking out. And that’s where I want you help. I was wondering if you would accompany us if we did find something suspicious – which, if my feelings are right, we will.”

“So you’re fairly positive about this?” Kaneki asked, surveying Hide’s expression.

“Yes.” There was no waver of his voice, no subtle twitch to prove he thought otherwise. Kaneki knew Hide only for a short time, but he knew how observant he was, how in tune he was to people’s behaviours and thoughts. He could tell if Kaneki was uncomfortable or lying in an instant, always knowing if he was hiding something, whether it be good or bad. More than that, Kaneki trusted Hide. How could he not, when he already trusted him with his life?

“Who will we be working with?” Kaneki asked. “Do I know them?”

“Amon will be there. There will be another ghoul as well – says he knows you.” Hide smiled. “His name’s Banjou.”

“I do know him.” Kaneki wondered how he was doing, what he was up to. “Are we going to be meeting with him?”

“Well, he actually asked to see you, but I figured I would check with you first. So is that a yes then? Will you meet him?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The return of Sasako...
> 
> I'm late again haha. Sorry. Things have been absolutely crazy. I'm doing lots of overtime right now since I'm an essential worker and we got a lot of cases where I'm living rn. I'm just physically and emotionally drained. I've just been mostly reading and watching shows in my spare time.
> 
> I finally finished the Witcher book series. I really liked it, but the novel Season of Storms was probably my favourite after the collection of the short stories. I'm also on the last book of the Dexter series, and the last Harry Potter book (Half-Blood Prince was a TASK for me to get through). Right now I'm reading The Priory of The Orange Tree and I'm really liking it. I've got The Handmaid's Tale and The Invisible Life of Addie Larue lined up to read next. 
> 
> Other than that, I watched The Promised Netherland (which, I'm still crying about). I'm watching Hannibal too, but only an episode here and there.


	4. Chapter 4

Hide watched as Kaneki and Banjou sat side by side on the couch. He stood and the kitchen and leaned against the counter, too far away to hear their whispered conversation. Their expressions were soft. They obviously cared for each other. Hide wondered how long they knew each other for. It probably wasn’t long, considering Kaneki hadn’t even been a ghoul for a year.

Kaneki said something and Banjou put a hand on his shoulder, his eyebrows furrowing as Kaneki’s expression turned pained. Banjou said something else and Kaneki nodded, putting his hand on Banjou’s elbow. Hide turned away, not wanting to intrude any further. Whatever they were talking about, it wasn’t for Hide’s ears. He took some water bottles from the fridge and retreated to the basement, deciding to work off his energy in the gym.

Hide wasn’t a slacker, not in the least bit, but Kaneki intense schedule left him feeling a little behind, like he could be doing more. He warmed up, then set himself up on the rowing machine, putting his water beside him. Half an hour passed and sweat was already running down his neck in rivulets. He wished he remembered to bring a towel with him. Frustrated, he wiped his face with the neckline of his shirt.

Sometimes, he felt so helpless. Especially in the past couple of weeks. He knew something was bothering Kaneki, _terribly_. Hide didn’t know what it was, and even if he did, he didn’t think he could help one bit. And that frustrated him even more.

Hide paused to take a long drink.

At least Kaneki had friends like Banjou. He was a kind, caring person. When he had lived with Hide for a few short months, Hide got to know him. Hide was supposed to look after him, but instead, it almost felt like Banjou was looking after him instead. Some people were born protectors, Hide supposed. Banjou was one of them. Hide smiled a bit, wondering if Kaneki was one of them too. It was no wonder him and Banjou were friends.

He went back to working out, but didn’t have the drive to give it much energy anymore, letting his thoughts trail off onto the investigation. His fingers itched to run to his computer and check on Furuta’s whereabouts, even though he only checked not even an hour earlier. Maybe he was a little obsessed, but he couldn’t help it. Even if no one believed him in the beginning, but he _knew_ there was something up with that sly little fake fuck. Maybe he lost a little – okay, a lot – of sleep over it, but it was worth it. Yes, worth it for the investigation, worth getting a piece of shit like him off the street. But, it was also worth the satisfaction of knowing he was right. Maybe Marude would take him a little more seriously now, maybe let him lead an investigation of him own after he saw that he could already do it. Furuta’s investigation was Hide’s _baby_ , and he’ll be damned if he let anything fuck it up.

Hide let the handle of the rowing machine go with a clatter. Truth be told, he wasn’t quite happy with the team he was given. He knew Amon was capable, however, when it came to fighting, Banjou wasn’t the best. He was worried for both the success of the mission and for Banjou’s safety. Kaneki on the other hand, was competent, but had Hide worried that he would be taking unnecessary risks. More than anything, Hide wanted his team out alive.

He would work with what he had. Amon was cautious, so he would pair Banjou with him. Hide would keep Kaneki by his side, making sure he didn’t do anything stupid or reckless. And if all went well – the mission would be a success, they would all get home alive, and Hide could finally play a bigger part in things.

Hide drank the rest of his water and sighed softly. He supposed he _could_ check on Furuta, eat some supper, then check on Furuta again. Surely, he would be up periodically during the night as well, unable to sleep.

Hide plodded up the stairs, picking at his gross shirt. Before anything, he would have to shower. Upstairs, Kaneki and Banjou had moved to the kitchen, sitting around the table with coffee. He could see a few things on the counter and could smell something tasty cooking. Hide felt a little touched that Kaneki remembered him.

“You’re still not eating well, Hide?” Banjou was frowning heavily in his direction.

Hide rubbed the back of his neck. “Ah, well – a little better since Kaneki’s been looking after me, I suppose.”

Hide saw Kaneki flush a little at that and Banjou turned towards Kaneki, something like a proud smile on his face. In the same moment, he leaned in and asked Kaneki a question. Kaneki jumped a little and shook his head quickly, his voice low as he answered. Hide resisted the urge to shrug his shoulders at his hopeless attempt at conversation, then went off to take his much-needed shower.

He let the water wash over him. It felt good to scrub himself clean, wash the oil out of his hair. After he was done cleaning, he put some conditioner in his hair and stood a bit away from the spray, still letting it hit him in the chest. It took a lot of work to keep his bleached hair from looking horridly damaged.

When he first met Kaneki, he thought he must have bleached his hair as well. However, even in the time Kaneki had lived with him, there should have been the beginnings of darker roots at Kaneki’s hairline. Strangely, there wasn’t. Nor did Hide smell any bleach any of the times he came home, so it wasn’t like Kaneki was touching it up either. The only answer was that Kaneki’s hair was natural, but Hide had seen old pictures of Kaneki. He hardly believed someone would be born with white hair, dying it black throughout their entire life. So, what happened to it then? Why did it turn white?

And most importantly, why was he asking himself such dumb questions and waste time while he had an investigation to conduct?

Hide huffed and finished rinsing his hair, then headed to the kitchen, picking up his laptop from his room on the way. Kaneki was setting out some plates on the table when he arrived. His eyebrows rose when he saw the laptop in Hide’s hands.

“Is there any new information?”

Banjou straightened as well, folding his arms on the table.

“We’re about to see.” Hide set his laptop down on the table. “Though I doubt it. It might take a few days, a few weeks even.” Hopefully not a few months. Hide pulled up his laptop and searched for Furuta’s location. “See? He’s at some high-class restaurant. I’ve followed him there like five times,”

Kaneki hummed and leaned in, reading the name of the restaurant. When he did, he stiffened. He glanced at Hide, then glanced back at the screen, fidgeting.

“What is it?” Hide did a quick search of the restaurant on his phone. It didn’t look that special to him. Just some high-class place where high-class people went to eat high-class food. A waste of money, if you asked Hide.

“That’s a ghoul restaurant.” Kaneki finally said. “It’s run by the Gourmet.”

Banjou cursed. “Not that asshole.”

“What would he be doing at a ghoul restaurant though?” Hide wondered. “And how do you know it’s a ghoul restaurant?” Hide knew a little bit about them – from way back when in the academy when Suzuya Juuzou was brought in. Apparently some ghouls high on the social ladder went to them, and they were extremely difficult to be invited to.

“He could be a supplier, or maybe he gets some fucked up form of entertainment from it.” Kaneki fidgeted some more. “The Gourmet brought me to one – apparently part of a sick joke – though I don’t think it’s funny to be served as a meal.”

Hide started. “So there’s cannibalization there?”

“Sometimes. Though ghoul meat tastes rotten, so I can’t imagine it being a common thing.” Kaneki shrugged. “Furuta’s there… and you’ve said he’s been there before as well?” Kaneki tapped his fingers. “I wonder if he’s a scrapper, maybe?”

The term rung a bell. That’s what Juuzou was, wasn’t he? “Being a CCG investigator would give him the skill for the job.”

“I can’t imagine a human being there repeatedly for any other reason, other than being a supplier. So it’s likely to be one of the two.” Kaneki went from tapping his fingers to cracking them. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Banjou cringe a little. “I could speak to the Gourmet. I may be able to make a bargain with him.”

There was something in Kaneki’s eyes that bothered Hide. They were far too cold – a contrast to the way the usually were – warm and soft. He went to crack another finger and Banjou gently caught his hand and held it. Kaneki started a little.

“He may be willing to help,” Kaneki continued. “He’s kind of a strange guy though, so I can’t be sure. But, I’d at least like to try to talk to him.”

~<3<3<3~

Strangely, the Gourmet did agree to meet them, under the condition that his identity wouldn’t be revealed. That condition irked Hide. He knew how the Gourmet was, how many people he killed, even if he had been quite for the past few months. It didn’t feel right to have him roaming about, free. Yet, there was nowhere to contain him. There was only cochlea, where he would most likely be killed. Over and over, Hide knew that the better option would be to lock ghouls like him away, so they couldn’t kill anymore. But until that vision became a reality, what would be better? Killing him so he couldn’t kill others, or simply letting him be?

There was no point in thinking about it. Not now. Gourmet wouldn’t be revealing his face and Hide didn’t think he had the power to make him. After all, it was just him and Kaneki going – the Gourmet insisted there be no one else. And although Kaneki didn’t like or trust the Gourmet, Hide didn’t think he would want to subject his fellow ghoul to the horror of Cochlea either.

Still confounded, Hide found himself in an abandoned building, taping at the dirty floor with the toe of his shoe. Kaneki stood still beside him, his arms folded defensively and his jaw set. Hide thought he was a lot more nervous about meeting the Gourmet than he let on. A man in a fine tailored suit walked in, the dust not even seeming to touch his clothes. On his face was an elegant crescent moon mask.

“It’s been a while, Kaneki.” The Gourmet had a pleasant voice, but the tone was almost sickening sweet. “What brings me the pleasure of your acquaintance today?”

Kaneki’s expression didn’t change. “The Ghoul Restaurant. There’s a man that was attending two days ago that I was interested in.” Kaneki handed a picture of Furuta over to the Gourmet.

“As you’ve said before.” He looked the photo over. “I don’t know his face. Most people there wear masks, except for the food of course.” The Gourmet shrugged. “He’s good looking. Perhaps one of our suppliers.”

“Not a scrapper then?” Kaneki confirmed.

“Non. He doesn’t look like any I recognize, and most of our scrappers are quite memorable – part of the show, oui?”

Hide felt his stomach roll a little. “Do you have a lot of human suppliers?” He asked.

“Many. The money is good.” And people were easily corrupted by it.

“So good that even a CCG Investigator would take it?” Hide rose his eyebrows and he saw the Gourmet stiffen.

He was silent for a long moment. “I wasn’t aware of any investigators under our noses.”

“If we’re right, there is one.” Hide frowned. It was unfortunate The Gourmet couldn’t give them any information, like who Furuta could be working with. If he had connections with both the Ghoul Restaurant and Kanou, chances were he had connections elsewhere as well. Hide wanted to know all about those before they made any moves. However, maybe they could catch Furuta off guard. Then, they could have a chance, and bring him in for questioning. “Is there any chance you could get us into the restaurant?”

Kaneki flinched and Hide felt guilt pierce through him.

“Marvelous!” The Gourmet rested the back of his hand on his forehead. “What a _show_. With Kaneki as the star. Tell me Kaneki, will you step upon that stage once again?”

Kaneki was tense, not meeting Hide’s eyes when he glanced in his direction. “If I must.”

Hide wasn’t happy with the Gourmet’s plan. It involved Kaneki once again being served as a meal. However, they would be using this surprise as their advantage to catch Furuta off guard. Hide, on the other hand, would be acting as a new supplier. For that, he would have to get a mask. For that, The Gourmet recommended the Mask Maker.

“It’s the most authentic way,” the Gourmet said. “Everyone has their masks made by him. I could set up a meeting for you with him.”

“I can handle that,” Kaneki was frowning, seeming deep in thought. “Don’t get more involved than you need to be.”

The Gourmet held up his hand. “It is of no issue. I simply want to be as helpful as I can be.”

“You’ve been helpful enough already,” Kaneki said shortly. “If there’s anything else I need, I’ll let you know.”

“If that’s the case, then let’s discuss it over coffee next time, my dear Kaneki.” Tsukiyama gave a short bow, apparently taking the hint that it was time to leave. “Just call for me when you are ready to make your move.”

With that, the Gourmet took his leave, and Hide was left standing awkwardly beside Kaneki, who looked none too happy with the developments. ‘I thought we were going to be a team,” Kaneki said. “At the very least, you could have discussed this plan of yours with me beforehand.”

Hide winced. “Sorry.” The truth was, he thought of it on the fly. He was so excited to have the opportunity to catch Furuta that he hadn’t thought of how it might have affected Kaneki. “I got a little overeager.”

“It’s okay, but please, in the future…” Kaneki rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“I won’t leave you out of the loop,” Hide assured.

“Thank you,” Kaneki sighed. “Things always get troublesome when he’s involved, so I should have suspected that. But what we need to do now is get a mask. We’ll go out tomorrow to meet with him.”

~<3<3<3~

They stood outside Hysy Studio, Hide squinting at the sign. “Kind of an interesting place.” Nothing out of the norm in the area they were in though. It simply looked like a trendy shop in the underbelly of the city.

The Mask Maker wanted to meet Hide personally. That fact seemed to surprise Hide a lot more than Kaneki. When Hide asked, Kaneki simply shrugged and told him that the Mask Maker liked to get to know his clients before he made their masks for them. Even then, Hide thought it was odd a ghoul would expose the location he operated out of to a CCG investigator. To that, Kaneki had no answer.

They stepped in, taking off their disguises. Hide wore his usual one. However, Kaneki wore the one Hide initially gave him. It was much less difficult to put on, and it wasn’t like he was going anywhere the CCG was actively looking for him. After Hide slipped his wig off, he glanced around at all the masks in awe. There were so many of them. Every single one of them were beautiful, even if they were grotesque. In the back of the shop there was a heavily tattooed man working on one, seeming completely engrossed in his task.

“It’s good to see you again, Kaneki.” The man didn’t look up.

“Hello,” Kaneki said in answer, then turned to Hide. “Hide, this is the Mask Ma –“

“But, please do call me Uta.” He gently put down the mask he was working on. Two kakugan eyes met Hide’s. “Why don’t you take a seat on that stool, so we can get to work?”

Hesitantly, Hide did as he was asked, almost captivated by the strange man in front of him. He tried not to fidget as Uta walked around him. He saw Kaneki slowly drift away, walking around and examining different masks.

“So, Hide,” Uta said. “You’re a CCG Investigator?”

“Yes,” Hide straightened a little. “For a couple years.”

“What’s your rank?”

“Second Class.”

“I see.” Uta hummed. He lifted Hide’s chin a bit, the started measuring the dimensions of Hide’s face. Each time, he wrote them in a small notebook retrieved from one of his pockets. “What about your personal life?”

“My personal life?” Hide frowned. To be perfectly honest, he didn’t have much of one. Not when he opened up his home the way he did. He was always engrossed in work of some sort, filling his time with extra investigations if he had too much free time.

“Do you have any friends?”

“Acquaintances, I suppose." The people he was closest to were the ghouls that lived with him. Even then, most never kept in contact when they left. One of the few people he could actually call a friend was Banjou. Even then, it wasn’t like they saw each other often. The one he saw the most was Kaneki, so he supposed then, that Kaneki would be the closest thing to a friend. “No actually, I guess I have one or two.”

“No romance then?” Uta continued. “A shame, you’re a handsome young man, an investigator too. I’m sure you would have many women chasing after you.”

“Right. Sure.” The bitter words were out of Hide’s mouth before he even realized it and he promptly snapped it shut.

“Men then?” Uta either completely ignored his discomfort or didn’t notice it. “There’s no shame in it.”

Hide shifted and glanced in Kaneki’s direction, recoiling a little when he saw Kaneki’s curious gaze on him. Quickly, he saw Kaneki look away and continue exploring the shop. “Could we please switch the subject to something else?”

Uta turned to Kaneki as well. “There’s a kitchen in the back. Would you mind making us some coffee?”

“Sure,” Kaneki cast one last look in Hide’s direction, then disappeared behind a wooden divider.

“There,” Uta said when he gone. “Now we can continue our conversation, yes?”

“You’re pretty damn intrusive, aren’t you?” Hide muttered.

“I like to ask questions. It gives me inspiration.” Uta smiled. Hide couldn’t help but find it a little creepy. “You’re an investigator. You know all about picking people apart.”

Hide knew what he was talking about, that insatiable urge to unravel all the mysteries of someone’s life, to know what drove them, to know why they were how they were. “Still, there are certain things that shouldn’t be said.”

“My apologies then, I got a little carried away.” Uta set down his notebook and gave Hide one last look over. “You allergic to anything?”

“Nope.”

Kaneki came back from the kitchen and leaned against the entrance to the studio awkwardly. “I’m done with the coffee. Should I get us some cups?”

“No, that won’t be necessary. We’re done here. Thanks for making coffee, Kaneki. I think I’ll go have some.” Uta stood. “Please turn the sign back to ‘open’ when you head out.” He smiled at Hide. “I think I’ll have fun making your mask. I’ll let you know when it’s done.”

When the two of them put their disguises back on and stepped out on the street, Kaneki had his mouth pursed. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing in particular.” _Nothing Kaneki didn’t already hear._ Hide didn’t know if he was imagining the awkwardness between them. Or if he was imagining that Kaneki was walking a little further away from him. Not that it was entirely Uta’s fault. In part, it was also Hide’s, for flirting with him sometimes, even if it didn’t particularly mean anything. The words tumbled out of Hide. “I’m sorry, I’ve made things weird between us now, haven’t I. I shouldn’t have said some things to you. I – I’m –“

“Hide.” Kaneki’s hand was on his shoulder. “Don’t worry it’s okay.”

Was it though, or was Kaneki just lying? Hide stopped walking, forcing himself to calm down a bit. No, Kaneki wasn’t lying. If he was, Hide would have known. He wasn’t a very good liar. “How is it okay?”

“Well, it’s not like a really mind…” Kaneki’s cheeks flushed a little and he looked down at the ground.

He… didn’t mind. Hide blushed a little himself.

Kaneki sighed gently and then continued walking down the street. Hide rushed a little to catch up to him. “Have you ever dated a guy?” Kaneki asked tentatively

“Er, no.” Hide pulled a little on the sleeve of his shirt. “I’ve dated a few girls. Back at the academy. Never felt right though. Since then, I don’t – I don’t really know.” Or he just didn’t really want to admit it to himself. It was much easier to go with the flow, flirt with pretty girls and act like he was interested. But, it didn’t feel _right_. It took him a long time to figure out why that could be – even then, he wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. “Have… have you?”

“Well, it’s safe to say all my dates have been disasters. Both of them almost got me killed and eaten.” Kaneki gave a short laugh.

“Right. The one with Rize… and the other?”

“Ah well, I’m not really sure I could call it a date, even. I think part of me wished it was, even though, deep down, I knew it would end disastrously. I thought I prepared myself, but even then, it still really hurt. He seemed so nice, we had all the same interests and everything, but in the end it was all an act.” Kaneki shrugged. “Just didn’t expect it to be _that_ bad. I wasn’t expecting to almost die, though I wasn’t exactly expecting him to turn out to be a good person.”

“So that was the Gourmet?”

“Yeah.” Kaneki glanced back at Hide. “I guess that was the day _I_ realized, that I liked men too.”

“You’re bi then?” Hide asked.

“Yeah.”

“Then why don’t I propose an idea? No strings attached, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to. But, I think we both deserve a date that isn’t terrible. Just a fun night out – as friends, if you want.”

“Not terrible, huh?” Kaneki smiled gently. “I think I’d like that.”

Hide put a little bounce in his step. “Ah, now I’m getting excited.” What should they do? “We definitely need to go to a café. Get some good coffee.” Since a romantic dinner was out of the question, because Kaneki was always anxious with eating. “And how about a movie?”

“I’d like to get coffee and walk around a bit. Maybe in a park or something. Get some fresh air.” Kaneki tilted his head back a bit and looked at the sky. “A movie would be nice… at home or at the theatre?”

“I’m good with either.” As long as they spent some time together. Hide liked movie theatres because of the popcorn, but Kaneki probably wouldn’t have the same view. However, if they stayed at home, they could talk throughout the movie a bit… maybe even cuddle up to each other a bit.

“At home then. The wigs are nice to go out, but… they are kind of itchy.”

“Agreed.” They could go out for a bit, then head back to the comfort of their own home. However, Hide would have to do a few things to make sure it felt like an actual _date_ , rather than just a regular night in. “Is it dumb how excited I am for this.”

“I don’t think so. I’m pretty excited too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit further into The Priory of the Orange Tree. I'm loving it. Can't wait to read more. I highly recommend it to people who like high fantasy and LGBT+ rep.


	5. Chapter 5

Hide hopped up the steps to his house, flowers in his hand. He didn’t know what type of flowers Kaneki liked, but Hide got an assortment a roses, of all colours. The red ones were for romance, the yellow for friendship… he wasn’t quite sure about the pink and white ones though. He would have got just plain red, but it didn’t feel right. They could be whatever Kaneki wanted them to be at the end of the night.

Hide knocked, then entered, letting Kaneki know he was there. Hide set the flowers down on the counter, getting a vase and filling it with water and the flower food that he got when he bought the bouquet. He heard a door open down the hall and Kaneki slowly walked in, already in his disguise that Hide gave him. Grinning, Hide handed the bouquet to him.

“Oh,” Kaneki said softly. He blushed a bit, inspecting the flowers. He headed to the vase that Hide set out and put them in, smiling and rearranging them a bit. Pleased with his reaction, Hide went to go get changed himself, cursing his CCG uniform. They were annoying to take off, and by the time Hide was done, his hair was everywhere. He tamed it the best he could, then put on his own disguise, which was actually more comfortable than his uniform.

They went one of Hide’s favourite cafés. It had a less than stellar interior, but they wouldn’t be staying anyway. And the coffee _was good._ The park was also within walking distance, which meant no getting into a cramped bus and smelling other people’s perfume.

They walked around, Kaneki cradling his coffee to his chest and looking around at the trees. Hide remained silent, watching Kaneki’s face as he tilted it up towards the sky, his eyes distant. He looked pretty content.

They traveled down a path, trees looming about them. Hide could hear birds chirping in the trees, as well as the noises of other little creatures. Hide was the type that liked being outside and playing sports, or going to the beach and enjoying the sun and the water. Kaneki on the other hand, looked like he wanted to curl up in the shade and watch all that was around him, breathing in the fresh air. Hide took Kaneki’s hand and guided him over to bench, seeing that it was a quiet spot and that no one was around. Kaneki blinked, like he was shocked out of his stupor. He took a seat next to Hide, their thighs brushing, and stretched his legs out in front of him.

“What were you like when you were a kid?” Kaneki asked suddenly. “You seem like the type that might have gotten into trouble a lot.”

Hide laughed gently. “I did. I was loud in class. Annoyed a lot of teachers. I also liked to climb trees, as well as other things. I fell down a lot too. My parents were always berating me about it.” Hide smiled a little sadly. He missed them. “When the CCG took me in, I was a little more serious.” Though he was still something of the class clown. However, he did start taking his studying seriously.

“Is it okay if I ask…”

Hide nodded. “You can ask anything you want. I don’t mind.”

“When did you lose them?”

“The summer before I started middle school. I remember shopping with my dad. He was teasing me about all the bright clothes and supplies I wanted. I really didn’t like the school uniform, so I decided I wanted to wear some obnoxious t-shirts under it.” The memory was pretty nice – his dad’s smile, the sound of his laugh. “A couple days later, they went out for dinner, left me with a babysitter, but never came back. They were found the next morning.” Hide left out the part where they had to be identified by their dental records. Where he knew the moment he heard the news on television that it was them. He left out the part where the CCG scouted him, going over his school and sports records, looking for someone to mould into an investigator. Where they were looking for someone who hated ghouls enough to dedicate their entire life to exterminating them. The process sickened Hide. He hated how many children would have to go through the same thing he did – sitting in a ‘classroom’ and being spoon-fed lies.

“I lost my mother at a young age too,” Kaneki said. Hide remembered reading something about that in his file. “I never knew my father though. I was forced to live with my aunt after my mom died. She was… terrible.” Kaneki frowned, his eyes far off. “It was incredibly lonely. Were you lonely too?”

“Very. I had some friends though. That helped me get through it.” Though, Hide never talked to them anymore. Half of them were dead, most of the others left the CCG out of fear. Only a couple remained, working out of different wards and living what Hide was sure were busy lives. “Guess we both had to start looking after ourselves when we were pretty young.”

“Yeah.” Kaneki looked towards him apologetically. “I’m sorry if I upset you, asking.”

Hide shook his head. “I said you could ask, and I meant it. I don’t mind sharing things with you.” Hide tapped his fingers against his thigh. “Do you want to walk around a bit more?” Hide wasn’t exactly expecting their date to take such a somber tone. It wasn’t bad, but Hide wanted them to have a little fun before they headed back.

Kaneki nodded.

They made some light conversation as they walked, Kaneki talking about the latest book he was reading and what he thought about the latest news he saw on television that morning. Hide listened to him talk most of the time, Kaneki carrying the conversation by himself once he got going, though he did need a little initial prompting from Hide. He always liked Kaneki’s voice. It was clear, gentle, but he was also coming to realize how expressive it was of his emotions. As a whole, when Kaneki came out of his shell, he was surprisingly expressive. Hide noticed it a few times before, but it felt like there was another whole level of comfort between them, like some wall Kaneki put up had come down without Hide even noticing.

Kaneki caught Hide staring at him with an awed expression and stuttered a little, his cheeks and ears turning pink. “W-what?”

“I like listening to you talk.”

Kaneki sputtered, looking down at his almost empty coffee. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Hide waited patiently and Kaneki hesitantly started where he left off, talking about different translations of some famous books and whether or not they were accurate. Hide listened intently the whole time, also taking note on which books Kaneki would appreciate adding to his collection.

A short while later, the sun was starting to set. They walked home, Kaneki walking a bit closer to Hide, though they stopped holding hands when they came out of the park. Kaneki continued to talk until they reached Hide’s house, Hide hastily unlocking it with his key to let them inside.

“Do you want more coffee?” Kaneki inched towards the kitchen, his expression brightening even more when he saw the flowers still sitting there on the counter.

“Nah, I’ll be up till four in the morning it I do. Thanks though.” Hide went to the living room, picking through some of the dvds he picked up the other day. There were some romantic comedies. However, he picked out a mystery and put it in, feeling pleased with himself. Kaneki liked unraveling near-impossible problems as much as Hide did, so he thought it was a good pick.

Kaneki took a little longer to get back, but when he did, he came with his coffee, as well as a plate of sandwiches and some snacks for Hide.

“You’re the best.” Hide snatched the plate and placed it in front of him, then started the movie. Hide munched intently as the movie started. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was before, since he was so engrossed in Kaneki, but now his stomach was rumbling even as he ate. He supposed it was much later than he usually ate supper, and he hadn’t had a big lunch as well. As he finished his last sandwich and picked up some of the snacks – caramel popcorn and fruity milk – yum, Kaneki hesitantly scooted closer to him. He leaned against Hide a bit, and when Hide shifted and leaned against him as well, Kaneki put his head on Hide’s shoulder. Eventually, Kaneki’s arms curled around one of Hide’s, and Hide had an arm wrapped loosely around Kaneki’s waist. It was… comfortable. Even though it felt like Hide’s heart was going to burst out of his chest. Hide kept glancing down at him, seeing the way his eyelashes dusted against his cheeks when he blinked and the gentle rise and fall of his chest. If Kaneki noticed Hide watching him, he didn’t say anything.

By the time the credits were rolling, Hide started to feel the tendrils of sleep grasping at him. He yawned quietly, then turned to Kaneki to say goodnight. When Hide turned, Kaneki was staring at him curiously.

“Hide, have you ever kissed anyone before?” Kaneki’s expression was open, honest.

“I have a few times.” With some of the girls he dated in his later teens. “Why?”

“I haven’t,” Kaneki admitted. His gaze traveled over Hide’s lips, his face flushing. “Is it nice?”

“I think it is.” Hide regarded Kaneki, trying to keep his fingers from trembling as he reached for him. “Do you want to try it?”

Kaneki answered by leaning forward as well, sighing gently as their lips pressed together. Hide’s hands rose to cup his checks tenderly, Kaneki relaxing closer to him when he moved one back to tangle in his hair. Kaneki fit his arms under Hide’s, his arms encircling him and his fingertips resting on Hide’s spine. Hide shuddered as Kaneki pressed his palm against the small of his back, pulling him closer. In response, Hide nipped at Kaneki’s bottom lip, eliciting something that was between a scandalized gasp and a moan. Kaneki pulled away briefly, breathing heavily as Hide kept his lips on his skin, nuzzling his neck and jawline. Then, Kaneki caught Hide’s chin and guided their lips together again. Kaneki’s kisses turned a bit rougher, their teeth clinking together one or twice, then – ow.

Kaneki pulled back immediately and Hide gingerly touched his lips. A tiny bit of blood was left on his finger. It wasn’t much worse than when Hide’s lips got chapped in the winter and bled, but Kaneki looked so incredibly guilty anyway. He covered his face with his heads, apologies falling from trembling lips. Carefully, Hide put his hands over Kaneki’s and brought them away from his face.

“Sorry,” Kaneki couldn’t seem to look him in the eye. “I – I didn’t mean to.” Now that his face was visible, Hide could see his activated kakugan.

“I know.” Hide traced his fingers over the red veins around Kaneki’s eyes. Hide didn’t ask the most obvious question, the one he was sure the both of them were asking – was Kaneki eating enough? “It was just an accident. It’s okay.”

Hide rubbed his lip. The small wound had already clotted. Feeling confident, he went to place a chaste kiss on Kaneki’s lips, but Kaneki turned his head. Kaneki still looked guilty and Hide hoped something small like that would dissuade him from pursuing romance, if it was something he wanted.

“I think it’s about time we headed to bed. You have work in the morning, don’t you?” Kaneki shook his head. “I’ll – I’ll go. Goodnight, Hide.”

Kaneki got up quickly and walked away stiffly. Hide could see that his fists were clenched at his sides, tight enough that he could see a thin trail of blood on his knuckles from where he dug his fingernails in too deep. Hide resisted the urge to chase after him and see if he was okay. Instead, he got a cloth from the kitchen and wiped the little red droplets off the hardwood floor.

He went to the kitchen, rubbing the back of his neck. “Damn it.”

Hide sat down at his computer and opened it up, seeing what Furuta was up to. When he saw he was at the restaurant, he leaned forward a bit. Based on what he saw in the past and present, it seemed like Furuta most commonly went to the restaurant on Fridays. He kind of wondered if the ghouls would have nights out like humans, take their dates to this restaurant. He would have to ask the Gourmet.

If they were lucky, maybe they could catch him the next week. It irritated Hide, seeing that he was going there, probably bringing someone with him like a lamb to slaughter. However, if they didn’t do things right, he would only get away. Then more people would die in the end. Hide would have liked to save everyone, but he knew he couldn’t. That was one of the first things he learned as an investigator.

Knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep, Hide started drinking the coffee Kaneki made a couple hours earlier and sat and watched Furuta walk around. He was in the restaurant for a few hours, then essentially went directly home. Hide wondered how well he would be sleeping, money in his pockets and fresh blood on his hands.

There was a sharp knock on Hide’s door. Hide started, almost spilling his coffee all over himself. Cursing, he got up. Who would be knocking on his door so early in the morning? He looked through the peephole, but couldn’t see anything. Frowning, he picked up his briefcase from beside the door, cracking it open. He saw no one there, except a small cardboard box. It was unmarked, so it wasn’t one of Hide’s online deliveries. He picked it up, and when it didn’t explode, he brought it inside. He set it on his table, curiously opening it. Inside was something wrapped in packaging paper and a note. All the note read was: _Nagachika Hideyoshi_.

“Okay…” Hide’s eyebrows furrowed. But when he started pulling away the packaging paper, he understood what it was. He saw a stark white snout protruding, red spirals and designs all over. He uncovered it fully, seeing it was a fox mask, similar to the ones you would see at festivals. However, this one was much more intricate. It looked delicate, but when Hide picked it up, he felt that it was actually sturdy. He turned it around and placed it over his face, expecting it to be uncomfortable. In reality, it fit perfectly. He secured the mask with the red silk ribbons attached to it. He shook his head around a bit, pleased with how little the mask moved around.

It certainly was well made. Now he knew why Uta was commissioned by so many ghouls. A mask like this wouldn’t even fall off when he was fighting.

However, the mask wasn’t the only thing in the box. At the very bottom, Hide saw a black bag. He opened it, surprised to find a soft black wig inside. The hair was long, collected near the bottom and tied with a red ribbon that was the same as the ones on the mask. Well, it would certainly hide Hide’s blonde hair.

Since Hide had his mask, they could finally advance on Furuta. In one week, they would capture him, take him in for questioning and present him to Hide’s superiors, who would lock him in a cell for good. Certainly, their evidence against him would serve them well in their fight against the CCG and their attempts to sway the public to their side.

~<3<3<3~

The next week was awkward… to put it lightly. Kaneki practically avoided him, except for at meal times where Kaneki would cook for Hide. Something he also noticed was the human meat in the refrigerator was going quicker. Sometimes, Hide would try to strike up conversation, but Kaneki would look uncomfortable, so he would eventually give up and let Kaneki have his space.

The only talking Kaneki really stuck around for was in regards to the mission. Hide couldn’t even count how many times they went over it. They met with the Gourmet twice throughout the week, going over it with him as well. Hide would be in the viewing area next to him. Unarmed. That was one of the many things that irked Hide. If he was unarmed, he couldn’t defend himself, but if he was armed and if he had to fight, his weapons would be recognizable, and he could be in big trouble if he was identified – either by Furuta or by weapon markings on anyone who attacked him. Hide only had a pocket knife on him. While that would help him with Furuta, it could hardly do anything against a ghoul. On top of that, Amon wouldn’t be allowed to come along. Instead, Hide had him and Banjou searching one of the other locations Furuta frequently visited, a large abandoned house. Furuta wouldn’t be there, so Hide hoped it would be safest to search it then.

During the fight at the restaurant, the Gourmet swore to defend Hide, at Kaneki’s word and harsh expression. Hide was sure Kaneki threatened him, with the way he leaned in when he spoke to the Gourmet. Yet, for some reason, the Gourmet seemed pretty happy about that. Hide didn’t even try to understand.

And Kaneki – he would be bearing the brunt of the fighting, being served up as a meal. Hide wanted to talk to him about it and make sure he was doing okay with the whole situation – but then again, he wasn’t really talking to Hide. That made Hide even more worried.

The night came, far too quickly. The Gourmet met them in the back of the restaurant, where they couldn’t be seen by the public, or by the ghouls who were attending. When they stepped inside, Hide and Kaneki put on their masks.

“They’re all waiting downstairs,” the Gourmet said. He handed Kaneki a cloak and a package. Kaneki put on the cloak hesitantly, pulling it up to cover his hair. “There’s a change of clothes I specially designed for you. I trust you remember the way, Kaneki.”

“I do,” Kaneki said bitterly. He turned to Hide, his expression indecipherable under the mask. He reached towards him, brushing his fingers against Hide’s elbow. “Be safe, okay?”

Hide nodded. “You too.” He was so, _so_ much more worried about Kaneki than himself. He could barely restrain himself from following Kaneki when he turned to leave, but the Gourmet put a heavy hand on his shoulder and kept him in place.

“Kaneki is très fort.” The Gourmet released his shoulder. “Do not worry yourself. Please, come with me.”

Hide followed after him, after casting a long, yearning look in Kaneki’s direction. “Are you sure he’ll be fine?”

“Kaneki is stronger than you think.” The Gourmet clicked his tongue. “However, he is concerned for you. That is why I’ve prepared something.” He lead Hide into a small room. There was something sitting on a table in the centre, shrouded in a white cloth. The Gourmet picked it up, the cloth falling to the floor. He presented the object to Hide.

It was obviously a quinque. Hide took the dagger in his hand. “Where did you get this?”

“Off the body of an investigator, a year or so ago. We keep them, for a number of purposes,” he explained. “This quinque isn’t very powerful, but it’s small and easy to hide. We usually use it to carve up a ghoul for serving. You can have it, since I have no desire to use it on Kaneki tonight.”

Hide shuddered, but slipped the weapon into his pocket. It was a lot more reassuring than the regular knife he was carrying, despite knowing that it was probably taken off an investigator fresh out of the academy, not having enough experience to defend himself.

Hide followed the Gourmet down a long set of stairs, then up another set. They ended up on a balcony, overlooking what looked like a dancefloor. A voice came over the loudspeaker, bidding everyone a good afternoon.

Hide scanned the crowd. “Where could he be?” There were no faces, just mask upon mask upon mask. Hide wondered how many were made by Uta. Then, he started wondering if Uta was the one he should be questioning, though he wondered if he would break confidentiality with one of his clients. After all, he was making the masks to hide their identity, and giving information to a CCG investigator was probably totally against his policies.

“Check the east balcony. Based on the dates you compiled for me, and if my suspicious are right, Furuta is Souta. In the clown mask.” The Gourmet gave a subtle nod of his head. “However… I’ve always thought he was a ghoul. And my nose doesn’t betray me.”

Hide glanced in Souta’s direction, frowning. Based on posture and body shape alone, it could be him. But, he couldn’t be sure. Not until he ripped that mask off his face. He pulled out his phone and typed out a quick message, sending it to Kaneki, giving him Furuta’s suspected location. If Furuta was a ghoul – no he couldn’t be – he wouldn’t be able to pass through the CCG gates without being human. How was he disguising his scent then? Hide shook his head. The important thing was that he was human – he wouldn’t be posing more of a risk than a normal ghoul investigator. Just as he was looking up, the show was beginning.

“…Mr. MM has brought us a special meal tonight…”

Hide drowned out what was being said, including the Gourmet’s boisterous response. Instead, he was focused on the floor, which was slowly beginning to open up, revealing the hood of the cloak Kaneki was wearing.

“…tonight’s meal – is you.”

Hide saw Kaneki throw the cloak, revealing the clothing the Gourmet gave him underneath. Hide could hardly believe Kaneki put them on, especially since they were certainly the result of the Gourmet’s theatrics. However, the open back allowed for full mobility of Kaneki’s kagune, which he used to impale four ghouls at once.

Kaneki jumped up onto the balcony, causing a mass crowd of screaming people trying to flee. Hide jumped into action as well, running down the balcony, dodging countless ghouls that were heading the wrong way. None of them paid him any attention. There was some more screaming and Hide looked ahead in time to see a head go flying. It was a massacre. Kaneki was ruthless, killing without regard, a stony look in his eyes as his gaze focused on Souta. To be perfectly honest, that look scared Hide a little.

Hide pulled up short as two figures left down between Kaneki and Souta, one in a black cloak and one in a white one. Kaneki stopped, eyeing them cautiously. In the next instant there was a flurry of movement, kagune crashing together. There was a pause, and Hide could see multiple kagune poised in the air. _All_ the same kagune.

“Go on ahead.” Kaneki commanded. “I’ll hold these two off.”

Hide passed by, taking the small quinque out of his pocket. One of the two lunged at him, but Kaneki intercepted him. He had his eyes set on Souta’s back as he walked on, clearly not in a hurry.

“Furuta.” Hide called.

Souta stopped, turning his head to look at him. “Do you really think you can beat me, Nagachika?”

Hide stiffened at the sound of his name. He knew from the sound of Souta’s voice – the tone, the deepness, the inflection, that it was indeed Furuta talking to him. Hide didn’t need to take off his mask to know that.

“I’m don’t want to play this game, so how about you rest for a while?” Furuta moved before Hide could react, hitting him in the face. There was a heartbeat, Hide watching the walls tilt as he collapsed to the ground, then everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more I read my old writing style, the more I hate it. So much... exposition and unnecessary words. The next chapter should be up almost immediately, just so I can proofread and take out anything that makes me want to tear my hair out.


	6. Chapter 6

Hide awoke, a bright light shining in his eyes. Correction – eye. His other was swollen shut painfully. Squinting, he could see he was in his own room. Aside from the pain on his face, his head throbbed terribly. He tried to sit up, the room spinning and taking many long seconds to become oriented. Even then, he felt nauseous.

The bedroom door opened and Kaneki walked in. The moment he saw Hide was awake, he rushed to the edge of the bed and sat, his eyes filled with worry. “How are you feeling?”

“Not great.” Hide gingerly touched his cheek. “I feel like my head is splitting open.”

“I’ll get you something for the pain.” Kaneki patted Hide’s hand, then left. Listening, Hide could hear him speak to someone in a clipped tone. Hide wondered who else was there.

He ran over what he could remember. After Furuta knocked him out, he hardly remembered anything other than waking up periodically. Every time it felt like he was submerged in water, barely able to hear the questions someone was asking him. Hide couldn’t remember the questions, nor the person who was asking him.

After a minute, Kaneki came back with a pill bottle, some water, and some crushed ice in a plastic bag. Hide took the pills, hardly caring what they were as long as they stopped his headache and drank some water. Then, he eased himself back down to the bed, taking the ice and placing it over his eye.

“What happened?” Hide didn’t know what specifically to ask. “Where’s Furuta? What happened when I was knocked out? How did I get home? What time is it?”

Kaneki sighed. “Furuta… got away. The Gourmet arrived in time to chase him away, but decided to look after you instead of pursuing him. After that… we took you to his family doctor – a ghoul. She took a look at you, then sent us back home. Thankfully, you have no fractures. Although you do have a concussion, but you should be okay as long as you rest and take it easy, since you seemed to be suffering from sleep deprivation as well. As for the time, it’s about six in the morning.”

Hide groaned. “Could you get me my laptop?”

Kaneki looked like he wanted to argue, but he turned around and plucked it off Hide’s dresser. Which was odd, since Hide distinctly remembered leaving it in the kitchen. “I figured you’d want it.”

Hide popped the laptop open, checking his email. Seeing he received one from Amon made him feel hopeful, but disappointment took its place when he opened it. They found nothing in their investigation. The place was completely cleared out. The only thing they recovered was a partially destroyed document, but even what was written on there wasn’t legible. It was sent in for analysis, but Amon had no hopes of it uncovering anything. Not being able to stop himself, Hide sat the laptop on his stomach and went to check Furuta’s location. At home.

Not only were things a complete failure, but Furuta had identified him as well. Hide didn’t know how. The Gourmet said he smelled like a ghoul. If he was, then Furuta would be able to identify Hide through scent. However, if he _was_ a ghoul, he would set off the sensors in the CCG headquarters. Therefore, he couldn’t be a ghoul _and_ an investigator. It was simply impossible. In addition, he certainly would be responding to Hide’s attack with one of his own. He just didn’t know what type.

“Stop worrying.” Kaneki touched Hide’s shoulder. “It’ll be fine.”

“What if Furuta sends an anonymous tip that I’m harboring ghouls? The CCG would be forced to investigate. They’d investigate you. Ask for your papers – for an RC cell count. Then what would we do? I could send you to live with someone else, but everyone knows I ‘rent’ to people for extra money. It’d be suspicious if I _didn’t_ have anyone living with me as well.”

“Then we quell their suspicions before they even know they have them.” Kaneki smiled. “I can bring you lunch at work.”

Hide shook his head. “The RC sensors…”

“Have a little trust in me.” Kaneki’s smile widened, like he knew something Hide didn’t. “I’ll bring you lunch, okay?”

“…okay.” If Kaneki was doing that then… “I’ll have to go to my doctor and get diagnosed.” That way he would be stuck in the office filling out paperwork. Boring, but necessary in his state. He might even get a few days off. So, he would make the appointment in the afternoon, go to work in the morning and get Kaneki to deliver him some lunch a little before he left for his appointment.

Kaneki nodded. “And what’s your story for the…” Kaneki gestured to Hide’s face.

“How about a squash match.” Hide jumped a little when he heard the Gourmet’s voice from the doorway. He wasn’t wearing formal clothing anymore, rather just a pair of slacks and designer t-shirt. His mask looked odd with his attire. “It would hurt to catch a hard hit to the face.”

Kaneki nodded. “So you were playing squash with your new roommate and took a ball to the face. I’ll bring you a meal in the disguise Touka got for me and act apologetic. No one would suspect a ghoul to willingly walk into the CCG.”

It was a risk, but Hide would take it. If someone showed up and asked for Kaneki’s papers, he was screwed. The both of them were screwed. So, they had to do anything to keep that from happening.

“I guess I might as well get up.” Hide got up, keeping the ice against his face. It was starting to feel numb, which was nice.

“Do you need any help getting ready?” Kaneki’s hands hovered over him, hesitant to let Hide start moving around.

Hide waved him off. “I’m fine.”

“Breakfast then?”

“Too nauseous. I’d appreciate some tea or something though.” Hide held his head and stumbled to the bathroom, becoming surer of his footing with each step. He took a shower, mostly with cool water, and was very careful to keep the water from hitting him in his injured face. He heard more conversation outside, then the sound of the front door to his house opening and closing.

Once he was done, he got out, probably with some shampoo and/or conditioner left in his hair, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. Stepping in front of the mirror, he saw just how bad his face was. His eye was bruised heavily, as well as his cheek. It was painfully swollen, only seeming to hurt more the longer Hide looked at it. At the very least, he didn’t think he’d have a problem getting off work.

He finished getting ready and went to the kitchen. There, he only found Kaneki, the Gourmet having left. Kaneki handed him some tea and Hide leaned against the counter as he drank it. Kaneki was still worrying over him, hanging close with such a concerned look on his face. Hide would have teased him if he wasn’t so damn tired and achy.

After he was finished, he put his cup in the sink and headed out. He felt people staring on his way to work, but once again, too tired to care. The very first person he walked into when he walked in the doors of the twentieth ward’s CCG office was Seidou.

“Holy _fuck_ , Hide.” He rushed to Hide’s side with something of a delighted grin on his face. “What did you _do_?”

“Caught a ball in the face during squash.” Hide brushed him off. “I’m irritable. Don’t bother me too much today, okay? I don’t feel good.”

Seidou, as much of an asshole he could be, he was a _caring_ asshole. “Shit. You okay?”

“Don’t know. Going to the doctor later.” Hide rubbed the back of his neck. “Pretty sure I have a concussion.”

Seidou let him be after that, even offering to take some of his workload. Hide was thankful. He felt kind of sluggish, both mentally and physically. Amon was the next person he saw, who stood shocked for a moment after seeing Hide’s face.

“You sure you should be at work?” He didn’t bother asking what happened. He probably guessed already, and Hide’s true answer wasn’t appropriate to say at work.

Hide shrugged. “It’s just for a bit,” he said quietly.

Akira came in that day as well, an hour or so after Amon. She didn’t say anything to Hide about it, as cold and professional as ever. In a strange way, he kind of appreciated it. He didn’t want to have to explain all of it again. Not like he had to do with his coworkers, not like he had to do with the secretaries on the main floor. As well, Akira kind of scared him. If anyone could see through his lies, it would be her. It was the Mado sixth sense. Hide had some serious respect for Amon for working with her.

Noon rolled around and Hide started fidgeting in his seat. His nerves were running on high, fueling his headache and just then he realized he forgot his pain medication at home. Then, he heard the clicking of heels coming down the hall. There was a knock on the door before it opened and Hide’s jaw almost dropped.

There stood Kaneki. Hide didn’t know how he managed it, but he did. On the other side of the room, he heard Amon make a choking sound.

“Ah, sorry for the intrusion.” Kaneki said, his voice light. “You forgot your lunch.” He handed Hide a paper bag and leaned against his desk. “I’ve been worried about you, you know.”

Hide shook off his surprise. “Yeah, sorry about that.” Hide looked back, more specifically at Seidou and Akira, since Amon already knew Kaneki, and was obviously trying to solve the same puzzle in his head that Hide was trying to solve. “This is my new roommate –“

“Sasako,” Kaneki finished. “I’m pleased to meet you.”

Seidou rushed forward to greet him, just barely managing to pick his jaw up from the floor. “I’m Seidou Takizawa.” He was blushing like an idiot and Hide really wished he could reach over and whack him over the head. “What’s Hide doing living with such a beautiful woman?”

Kaneki gave an airy laugh. “Well, it’s really comfortable living with a CCG Investigator. I feel safe.”

“I’m a ghoul investigator too.” Seidou smiled and pointed to himself.

“That you are.” Kaneki turned back to Hide. “I felt bad about yesterday, so I figured the least I could do was this.” He gestured to the lunch box, then honed in on Hide’s face. “Does it hurt really badly?”

Hide was about to answer, calm Kaneki’s nerves a bit. Despite his light one, Hide knew he was worrying. However, Seidou cut in instead.

“Woah – wait a moment here – you were Hide’s partner in…” Seidou’s face contorted as he struggled to remember. “…squash? You must have – strong arms.” Leave it to Seidou to stick his foot in his mouth. “That’s uh – that’s really impressive!”

“Do you think so?” Kaneki covered his – fake – smile with his palm. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“No, no! Don’t be embarrassed!” Seidou rushed out, waving his arms wildly. “I mean it.”

“Well, thank you then.” Kaneki uncovered his smile, leaving Seidou dazed for a moment. Kaneki used the opportunity to talk to Hide again. “I have to be going, but take of yourself, okay?”

Hide nodded. “See you later.”

Kaneki left, leaving Seidou hovering around his desk anxiously. Hide opened up the lunch Kaneki gave him, not because he was hungry, but because he figured he should at least try to eat some if Kaneki went through the trouble of making it for him. Kaneki really outdid himself this time. It was a bento box, the rice forming a ball and a few things layered on top to make a smiley face. In addition, there were a few pieces of fish cut into small hearts. Hide saw Seidou’s hand snake towards his lunch and he swatted it away. Sure, there was no way he would be able to eat all of it, but there was no way he was going to let Seidou have any.

“Hide.” Seidou leaned against his desk, taking the place where Kaneki used to be. “Please give me her number, buddy. I’ll pay you back I swear.”

“Not a chance.” Hide waved him off and tried to go back to his work. “It’s rude to give out someone’s number without their permission.”

“Don’t be stingy,” Seidou whined. “Could you at least convince her to go on a date with me? Do you think I would have a chance? She seems to have a thing for Investigators, so…”

“No to all of that. Go away.” Seriously, his head was starting to hurt more and more. Amon caught his eye from across the room and Hide’s head hurt even more. How could Kaneki have gotten in? The only thing that was different about him was that he was a half ghoul. However, that along shouldn’t allow him to pass through the RC gates, since Kaneki _definitely_ had a high RC count. So what did that mean then?

Some ghouls could pass through the RC gate. If that was true, it was fully possible for Furuta to be a ghoul. Furuta was meeting with Kanou. Perhaps that was his doing? Altering the RC cells in a way that the RC gates wouldn’t register them? Or was it something else?

~<3<3<3~

The doctor sent Hide straight home with the instruction to rest. Thankfully, he was given a full week off, followed by a week of a lightened work load. Then, he would be reassessed at the end of those two weeks to see if he was fit to return to work full time.

He found Kaneki in the living room, dressed regularly, reading a novel. Like always, he was absorbed, but jumped up when he saw Hide enter.

“You passed through the RC gates,” Hide said.

Kaneki nodded. “Yeah. That was the second time.”

Hide didn’t bother to ask when the first was. He just nodded. Then that confirmed it. But the better question was why. If they didn’t know that, then they didn’t know the advantage Furuta would have. He was a ghoul, Hide was fairly sure of that. Hide briefly considered that perhaps the RC cells were different in half-ghouls, but that didn’t make sense since humans and ghouls had the same cells, just different quantities of it.

“You’re thinking too much, you’re going to give yourself even worse of a headache.” Kaneki closed his book and stood, taking Hide’s hand. “You need to lay down. Take some time off. You need sleep.”

“How can I sleep when –“ Hide cut himself off with a sharp exhale. “Is there more crushed ice in the freezer?”

Kaneki nodded. “Just sit down, okay? I’ll get it for you.” Kaneki pushed him down until he was sitting on the couch. “Stay there and don’t exert yourself.” Kaneki went and got the ice, giving it to Hide. “You should lay down.”

“Can I put my head in your lap then?” Hide asked.

Kaneki hesitated, then sat and pat his thigh. Sighing softly, Hide laid down, resting his head on Kaneki’s legs. He looked up at Kaneki, who had a faint pink dusting his cheeks. He glanced at Hide, caught him staring, then quickly looked away.

“Can I ask you a question?” Hide really wanted to, now that it seemed Kaneki wasn’t avoiding him like the plague. “You don’t have to answer if you’re not comfortable with it.”

Kaneki looked down at Hide, his mouth twisted. Hide held his gaze, keeping his own face blank, waiting for Kaneki’s answer as he mulled over Hide’s request. Finally, his shoulders drooped. “I suppose I’ll have to answer it eventually anyway, won’t I? It’d be mean not to.”

Hide guessed he already knew what he was going to ask. “Why did you run away after we kissed?” Hide knew Kaneki felt guilty, but he wanted to know specifically why, especially since what happened seemed like no big deal to Hide.

“I…” Kaneki hung his head. “You… tasted good. I was afraid I was going to…”

“Oh…” Hide felt his mind go blank. The only thing that popped up was a stupid question. “What did I taste like?”

“Is that really the question you’re asking me right now?” Kaneki’s expression was harsh, but Hide knew he was more upset at himself than he was at Hide. “It’s not funny. I could have –“

“But you didn’t.” Hide interjected. “And don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve been eating more now. Do you really think that’s going to happen again?”

“I don’t know.” Kaneki put his head in his hands. “I just… I don’t know, okay?”

“Hey.” Hide set his icepack aside, taking Kaneki’s hands in his own. They were bone cold. Hide rubbed them soothingly between his own. “Let’s take this slow, okay?”

“You still want to date me?” Kaneki sounded disbelieving. “How? Why?”

“What do you mean?” Hide brought one of Kaneki’s hands to his lips and kissed the back of it gently. He felt Kaneki twitch in response. “How could I not want to?”

“That’s not an answer.” Kaneki looked even more upset than he did before. He slid out from under Hide, grabbing one of the couch pillows to put under Hide’s head instead. “And what if I don’t want to date you?” Kaneki was agitated, his hand coming up to hold his chin.

Then he would be a liar. Hide didn’t say anything though, and eventually, Kaneki spun on his heal.

“I’m going downstairs. Please don’t follow me.” Kaneki’s steps were jerky as he walked away, stopping at the edge of the room. “Just… get some sleep.”

Hide felt tears prick his eyes as he heard the door to the basement close. He rolled onto his side and placed the icepack back on his face. God, he really was an idiot, wasn’t he? Maybe he could have blamed it on the concussion, but he knew that wasn’t the cause.

Hide slept periodically. Waking up only to put the icepack back on his face for a while, or take some more pain medication. The only other time he really woke up was when Kaneki made him supper. He didn’t say anything to Hide the whole time, making the whole meal quite awkward and uncomfortable. It seemed Hide only made things worse.

Kaneki went to his room shortly after, but Hide knew he didn’t go to bed. Kaneki had trouble falling asleep, so it was unlikely that he ever caught any before midnight. Hide sighed and brought his laptop to his room, deciding to resigned himself to staying there for the night as well. He checked on Furuta again, jumping when he saw where the tracker was. He scrambled out of bed, swaying and almost falling, but managed to get to his front door and throw it open, quinque in hand. There was no one there. Instead, there was just a small, black device sitting on the concrete. Hide knelt and picked it up, casting a quick look around. It seemed like there was no one around.

Well, that was that. Hide slid the tracker into his pocket, frowning. Furuta found his tracker, so he no longer had a way to keep tabs on him. Just another thing to top off his day.

Grumbling, Hide went back to his room, throwing himself back into bed. He closed his eyes, wishing for sleep to come and take him. At the very least, he could hope for pleasant dreams, where things actually went right for him. Hide was fairly restless, tossing and turning throughout the night. At around 3 o’clock, Hide woke up to the sound of Kaneki gasping something, awaken by one of his nightmares. Hide was sure he was saying words, but it was so muffled that he couldn’t understand anything.

Hide rolled out of bed, rubbing his eyes, and flinching when he accidently touched his injured one. Through his sleepy daze he managed to get up and make some coffee, carrying a few cups on a tray to Kaneki’s room. By the time Hide reached his room, Kaneki had fallen quiet. Hide knocked on the door and Kaneki invited him in. After what happened before, Hide was pretty surprised he even answered him. Hide found him tangled in damp sheets, his hair wet and his face dotted with sweat. Kaneki dragged a hand over his face, and his expression contorted with something like pain.

Hide set the tray down on the bedside table and sat on the edge of Kaneki’s bed. “Was it bad this time?”

“It’s always bad.” Kaneki looked exhausted. The circles were dark under his eyes –there always were – but Kaneki always looked terrible after his nightmares. His cheeks were pale, his eyes wide and still frightful. He kept looking at Hide like he was afraid he might vanish.

Hide hummed, placing coffee in Kaneki’s waiting hands. Kaneki stared for a moment, then sat up enough to drink it. It was at this point that Hide usually left. However, as he went to stand, Kaneki caught his wrist, sending Hide a pleading look. Slowly, Hide sat back down.

“Can you stay for a little?” Kaneki’s voice was small and Hide wanted to gather him in his arms and shelter him from everything bad in the world. However, he simply sat beside him, giving him a shoulder to lean on.

“Of course.” Hide said, although he wasn’t sure what to do. Kaneki clutched onto him, tangling his free hand in Hide’s shirt and not seeming to want to let go anytime soon. Hesitantly, Hide wrapped an arm around Kaneki, pulling him into a half-hug. That’s when Kaneki started crying. “Woah, hey.” Hide took Kaneki’s coffee and placed it on the nightstand. Once that hand was free, Kaneki grabbed Hide’s shirt with it too, pressing his face against Hide’s shoulder and shaking uncontrollably.

_What the hell was his nightmare about?_

Hide pulled Kaneki closer to him, rubbing his back, all while Kaneki quietly sobbed and wet Hide’s shirt with his tears. Hide wasn’t sure what else to do but hold him, tell him it was a dream, that he was here, that he was safe, that it was okay. Eventually Kaneki’s tears slowed, but he didn’t release Hide, not yet. He just looked up at Hide with swollen, red eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“For what?” Hide brushed some of Kaneki’s bangs out of his face.

“Hurting you.” Kaneki gave no other explanation, but Hide guessed it wasn’t about the bitten lip. “Are you mad at me?”

“No, I couldn’t be,” Hide answered.

“You should be.” Kaneki looked away and Hide caught his chin, guiding him to meet his eyes again.

“Enough self-deprivation tonight. Let me comfort you.” Hide waited for Kaneki’s response patiently, cupping his cheek gently.

Kaneki nodded, laying down and resting his head on his pillow. Hide laid beside him, gathering Kaneki close to his chest. Kaneki rested his head close to Hide’s neck, his breathing growing slower. Eventually, his eyes shut and he fell asleep. But even then, his hands did not release Hide’s shirt.


	7. Chapter 7

Kaneki was weak. His resolves we easily broken by his selfish wants. He wanted to be with Hide, but he was so scared that he would hurt him in the process. Yet one nightmare later and Kaneki found himself collapsed in his arms, unable to pull away. And Hide still remained beside him until the morning, Kaneki curled right up beside him. He was lying there, his face peaceful, angelic even when bruised. Kaneki ached to touch him, to run his hands through his hair and wake him with a kiss. Kaneki leaned forward, brushing his lips against Hide’s forehead instead. Hide shifted in his sleep, but didn’t wake up.

Kaneki got up, feeling surprisingly rested. After feeling the morning chill, he pulled the blankets up around Hide, figuring he would get cold without his body beside him. Hide needed more sleep. Yawning, Kaneki went to the kitchen, preparing a quick breakfast and sticking it in the fridge for Hide when he woke up. If he was hungry.

After that, Kaneki scribbled a quick note on the counter, telling Hide that he was sorry, and that he would be back later in the day. He got dressed in his Sasako disguise, planning to see Touka. However, he pulled up short when he realized she would be in school. Not sure where to go, and simply just wanting to get out of the house. He walked aimlessly through the streets, for an hour or so, simply clearing his head.

He was avoiding the inevitable, what he knew he was going to do, even though he _knew_ it was a terrible idea. Kaneki reached into his purse and pulled out a small piece of paper, an address written finely on it. It was given to him by Tsukiyama, during one of their meetings with Hide, in the case that he wanted to grab some coffee. It wasn’t something he particularly wanted to do, but deep down Kaneki knew Tsukiyama could be a good ally, even though he couldn’t trust him. He had resources Kaneki didn’t, and was more than welcome to offer them up to get closer to Kaneki.

A young woman held the door open to the apartment building, so Kaneki didn’t have to call Tsukiyama to get in. Standing in front of his door, Kaneki was given one more chance to turn back, to re-evaluate his choice and leave. Instead, he knocked, three sharp raps in a row.

There was movement on the other side after a few moments, then the door opened. Tsukiyama stood there, his hair askew, eyes heavy with sleep. He paused, squinting. “Kaneki?”

“This was a mistake.” Kaneki walked in anyway, immediately taking off his heels and leaving Tsukiyama momentarily dumbfounded and still holding the door open. “But here I am.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to come.” It was odd to see Tsukiyama thrown off, not in his element. However, he recovered quickly. “Please take a seat and let me become presentable.” He gave a slight bow. “I’ll be back in a few moments. There’s some fresh coffee on the counter. I hope it’s to your taste.” Tsukiyama retreated out of the room to change out of his pajamas, which were probably worth more than Kaneki’s entire wardrobe.

Kaneki sighed and went to the kitchen, taking off his wig and bald cap and tossing them onto the nearby table. There was a pot of fresh coffee and an empty, unused cup sitting on the counter. Kaneki must have interrupted him while he was making it. Kaneki took his own cup after searching the cupboards and poured himself some coffee. It had a nice aroma, and much like everything Tsukiyama owned, was probably _really_ expensive.

Drinking his coffee, Kaneki disposed of his belt beside his wig, as well as all his other accessories. He left his sweater dress on, since Tsukiyama’s apartment was a little chilly. While he sat and drank his first cup of coffee – it was really good – he heard the shower running. He supposed Tsukiyama was one of those types that always took longer than he said he would.

Kaneki was on his third cup when he heard the blow-dryer start up and Kaneki smiled softly. Wow, he really took a long time getting ready, didn’t he? It was strange, seeing Tsukiyama like that. Like he was almost normal, a human, who apparently was cursing at his hair in multiple languages.

A few minutes later he emerged. He looked as perfect as ever, but was fidgeting with his bangs still. “Sorry that took so long. So, what brings you here?”

“Just a couple things.” Kaneki sipped his coffee. “Since you cooperated with us with the raid on the Ghoul Restaurant, I was wondering if you would do something similar in the future.”

“Of course, I would do anything for you.” Tsukiyama poured himself his own coffee, then sat across from Kaneki. Kaneki couldn’t tell if he expression was serious, or if he was just faking it. “As well, if this arrangement ever falls through with that investigator, let me know. I can give you a place to stay.”

“What makes you think things are going to fall through?” Kaneki stared darkly into his coffee. He didn’t need to hear that. Not after last night.

“You’re a ghoul. He’s a CCG Investigator, _Kaneki_. Nothing’s going to change that. Besides, you’re here right now, not there, aren’t you?” Tsukiyama leaned his head into his hand.

Kaneki pursed his lips. Tsukiyama’s words burned him, especially knowing he went to Tsukiyama’s to escape from Hide’s, even if it wasn’t for the reasons Tsukiyama thought. “I just needed to get out for a bit. It’s tiring being cooped up all the time, with all the investigators looking for my face.”

Tsukiyama hummed thoughtfully. “Well, I’m glad you decided to come here. Know my place will always be open.”

It would’ve been a touching sentiment, if Kaneki didn’t already know what Tsukiyama wanted. Kaneki was tricked once by his charms, he wouldn’t be tricked again. He would have to tread carefully. He was more powerful than Tsukiyama, but that wouldn’t help if he was caught off guard.

There was another knock on the door and Tsukiyama swore softly. “Merde. My apologies. I forgot the little mouse was coming today.”

“Little mouse?”

“Oui. A pet of mine.” Tsukiyama stood and went to answer the door.

“A pet,” Kaneki echoed.

Tsukiyama opened the door. The woman who was standing on the other side was young, looking almost like she was in middle or high school. However, upon a closer look, he could see maturity in the shape of her face and the look in her eyes. She had to be at least as old as Kaneki was.

She walked in without saying a word to him, honing in on Kaneki. “Who’s that?” Immediately her hands fluttered to a camera hung around her neck, lifting it and snapping a quick picture.

“Ah, this is Chie. Chie, this is Kaneki.” Tsukiyama waved his hands helplessly.

“Oh. _That_ Kaneki. Tsukiyama hasn’t shut up about you for months.” Chie plodded towards him. “I’ve always wondered if I could get a good picture of you.” And so she snapped another one.

“Please excuse her manners.” Tsukiyama pinched his nose and sighed.

“I’ve kind of wondered what’s so special about you – since Tsukiyama stalks you and all.” Chie let her camera hang from her neck again.

“I don’t stalk him,” Tsukiyama muttered in horror.

“You stalk him.” Chie turned back to Kaneki. “You know he stalks you, right?”

“Chie! _Please_.” Tsukiyama hurried over to the fridge and pilled something out. It looked like tiramisu. “Eat this and _stop talking._ ”

“Oh, is this from that pastry shop I like? How thoughtful of you.” Chie took Tsukiyama’s spot at the table and pushed his coffee away, setting her dessert down.

Tsukiyama stood there with a look of utter disbelief and Kaneki had to resist laughing a bit. This Chie… he supposed she was the closest thing Tsukiyama to a friend. On top of that, she seemed to annoy Tsukiyama. Even then, he kept her around.

“How long have you known Tsukiyama for?” Kaneki asked.

“Since high school.” Chie spoke between bites. “Got a few nice photos of him. Want to see?”

Kaneki could feel Tsukiyama glaring at her from across the room. Chie didn’t pay him any mind, simply looking at Kaneki expectantly. “I think I’ll pass for today.” Kaneki curled his fingers around his coffee, staring into its depths. “I have something more important to discuss.” He turned to Tsukiyama. “The reason I came here… I was wondering if you had any information on Kanou – or, anyone who might have information on Kanou.” Even though he was helping Hide go after Furuta, Kaneki’s main target was Kanou. If Kanou was tied to Furuta, then the information he gathered might be beneficial to Hide as well.

Tsukiyama pulled up another chair, sitting between Kaneki and Chie. “Well, if there is to be a lead anywhere… there has been word that Madame A’s scrappers are modified by him. There is a possibility – it’s not definite though – that she might know where he does these experiments.”

“Then we need to find Madame A. And question her.” Kaneki tightened his hand around his coffee cup, struggling to relax and not break it as he stared at his bruised fingernails. “In any way I have to.”

Tsukiyama hummed thoughtfully. “Will the Investigator be joining us?”

“No. He won’t. This will be you and I.” Kaneki didn’t want Hide to see him like that.

“Then I will find her location and get into contact when I find it.” At the very least, when Tsukiyama wanted something, he was reliable.

“Please do.” Kaneki stood reaching for his things, starting to put them back on. “I think I should go. Thank you, Tsukiyama.”

“You’re leaving so soon?” Tsukiyama frowned. “Just one moment please.” He left to the bathroom, coming back a moment later, a small jar in his hands. “Take this. You can use it for the wig. It’ll work better than what you’re using currently.”

Kaneki took the product, putting it in his purse. “Thanks again. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.” Chie gave him a small wave, part of her dessert stuck on her face. “Let me take some more pictures of you next time.”

~<3<3<3~

When Kaneki got back to Hide’s, he was lounging around on the couch, ice on his face. When Kaneki entered, he glanced up, then sank back down into the cushions. Kaneki smiled a little. He felt better after heading out, like he cleared his head a bit. He hurried off to get changed into a pair of sweats and a tank top. After quickly washing off the little bit of makeup he had on, he went back to the living room, seeing Hide was in the exact same position as he was before.

“How are you feeling?”

“Somehow, it hurts even worse than yesterday,” Hide groaned.

Kaneki sat beside him, pulling Hide’s feet into his lap. “Did you get the breakfast I left you?”

“Yeah. It was good. Thank you.” Hide shifted slightly. “And… how have you been feeling?”

That was kind of a loaded question. “Better – somewhat.” Kaneki picked at the leg of Hide’s sweatpants. “I went and visited the Gourmet for a bit.”

“Oh.” Kaneki felt Hide stiffen under him. “How’d that go?”

“Surprisingly well.” Kaneki patted Hide’s leg. “He could be useful in the future, so I wanted to make sure he was willing to help.”

“He’s dangerous.”

“He’s nothing I can’t handle,” Kaneki assured. “Please don’t worry.”

“I’m always worrying.” Hide frowned, sitting up. “Furuta left my tracker on our doorstep, and now we have no way to know where he is. Amon’s still waiting on results from that paper he received, and here I am, sitting and doing nothing about it.”

“Because you’re injured and you need rest.” Kaneki pushed him back down. “Now _rest_.”

“I don’t want to.” Hide said it like a child, pouting and everything. Kaneki tried to hold in a laugh, then snorted. Hide was kind of ridiculous at times, getting so restless.

“If I have to carry you to bed, I’ll carry you to bed.” Kaneki moved, taking Hide’s legs off of him, and standing. Then, he went to pick Hide up bridal style, Hide starting to squirm when he worked his hands under him.

“Noooo. I don’t want to go to bed.” Yet he was smiling.

“Shocking.” Kaneki grinned. “As if I don’t see the dark circles under your eyes.”

“Yours are worse.” Hide relented when Kaneki put him down in his bed. However, when Kaneki went to release him, Hide held onto him. “You should really sleep too.”

Kaneki paused in surprise, then plopped down beside him. Sure, Kaneki had been in Hide’s room before, but definitely _not_ in his bed. The room was kind of messy, with a few shirts laying around and a couple of candy wrappers on the nightstand. Also some crumbs on the blankets, Kaneki noted. Hide, who was still hanging onto his ice pack, groaned and put it back on his face. “I don’t see how this is any better than the couch.”

Kaneki hummed, getting up to turn off the lights and close the curtains, making the room darker. “You can’t fall asleep if it’s this bright. Also, I’m sure the light hurts your head.” He ran his fingers through Hide’s hair. It was kind of greasy – Hide probably didn’t manage to shower that morning. Which meant Hide was probably doing worse than he was letting on. Kaneki ran his fingers through again, hearing Hide sigh pleasantly.

“Did you take your pain medication?” Kaneki spoke softly, seeing Hide had closed his eyes.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “It helps.”

Kaneki hummed and Hide cracked his eyes back open. His gaze was soft, and Kaneki felt a heavy weight settle on his chest. He was weak, so _so_ weak. And he was so incredibly selfish. He wanted things he shouldn’t have. He wanted happiness that he knew wouldn’t last. He had the deep, sinking feeling in his gut that he would drag Hide down into destruction with him. But he yearned for him. God, he yearned for him. So, when Hide cupped his cheek gently, Kaneki couldn’t help but lean down and press their lips together, even as his stomach was twisting.

Hide stopped kissing him suddenly, his eyes wide as he looked up at Kaneki. “Oh, Ken.” It was the first time Hide called him by this given name. It made his heart flutter. Hide’s lips brushed over his cheeks. It was only then that Kaneki realized his cheeks were wet. He’d been crying. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” Kaneki leaned back, rubbing his cheeks. “What if you end up getting hurt – it’s going to be my fault.”

Hide sighed softly. “Why would you think that?” Hide stared into Kaneki’s eyes, but Kaneki was unable to look back. He felt his chest constrict, his hands finding the bottom of his shirt and tangling in it. When he wasn’t able to answer, Hide pulled him down, holding him tight. “I can protect myself, Kaneki. I’ve been trained how to since I was young. I put myself into danger every day. I’m in no more danger being with you than I am in my everyday life. I’m not a civilian, I’m a Ghoul Investigator.”

“But…”

“Don’t feel guilty about it. Do you have any idea how happy it makes me feel to know you want to kiss me? To lay in bed beside me? To let me hold you like this?” Hide took Kaneki’s hand, holding it against his chest.

Kaneki swallowed thickly. It felt like Hide was pleading with him. Kaneki’s anxieties wanted him to listen, but Hide’s words were far more tempting, soothing over him like a bandage. Even if it was temporary, it was a relief. Kaneki sniffled, removing the last of the tears on his cheeks with his shirt, then settled down beside Hide. “How do you end up looking after me when I was planning to look after you?”

Hide laughed. “It’s a special skill.” Hide grabbed Kaneki’s hand and turned around, pulling Kaneki’s arm over his waist. “This sounds totally embarrassing to say – but let’s spoon.”

Kaneki snuggled closer, pressing his lips against Hide’s clothed shoulder, then resting his forehead against it. “Does that mean you’re ready to fall asleep?”

“I guess.” Hide relaxed and tangled his legs with Kaneki’s. “Sweet dreams.”

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki woke up to the sound of Hide’s phone ringing. Kaneki groaned, tightening his arm around Hide’s waist subconsciously when he shifted away. There was a huff and Hide wormed a little out of his grasp, his voice quiet as he answered the insistent ringing.

“Amon,” he greeted. He was silent for a while, his heart rate gradually increasing. “So we have a lead then? Are you coming over so we can discuss this as a team?”

The conversation woke Kaneki up enough that he sat up, Hide doing the same. Still, Kaneki wrapped his arms around Hide’s waist, nestling his head against Hide’s back, not ready to give up his cuddles yet. Hide was warm. It felt so nice to hold onto him. Plus, he wasn’t so embarrassed about acting so clinging when he was still half-asleep.

After a minute or so, Hide put the phone down, grinning. “Looks like that little piece of paper turned out to have something.”

“What?” Kaneki mumbled, placing his chin on Hide’s shoulder. “Is it something good?”

“An address. We have a lead. It’s not much, but it’s a lead. Since they tried to burn all the documents, they obviously didn’t want anyone to find. Asshole should have stayed longer and made sure everything burned.” Hide rubbed his hands together. “This isn’t over yet.”

Kaneki hummed. “When are Amon and Banjou coming over?”

“About an hour.”

“Then we have fifteen minutes left to cuddle.” Kaneki said, his voice still thick with sleep. He laid back down, pulling Hide with him.

Hide laughed. “You know, you’re really cute.” Hide rolled onto his back, peeking at Kaneki from out of the corner of his eyes. He couldn’t turn his head anymore without putting some pressure on the injury.

Kaneki sat up and shuffled over to his other side, almost catching Hide in the thigh with his knee during the awkward movement. However, when he settled, it was much better. He could see Hide’s entire face. The swelling on his injured side went down enough that Kaneki could see both his eyes, coloured a delightful golden brown. Hide’s eyes traced across Kaneki’s face, like he was trying to map it. Then, hesitantly he raised his hand, cupping Kaneki’s cheek. Kaneki let his eyes flutter shut when Hide caressed his jawline. He felt Hide’s fingers curl under his chin, his thumb brushing against Kaneki’s lips. Kaneki practically melted when Hide’s other hand traced down to his back, then stopped at his waist, gripping firmly and pulling them close together. Then he could feel Hide’s breath against his lips and Hide’s eyes on him. Still, he didn’t open his eyes, even when he felt Hide – almost experimentally – brush his lips against Kaneki’s jugular. Those feather-light kisses traveled all the way up to the sensitive area behind Kaneki’s ear, then back down. Kaneki tilted his head, pressing it against his pillow, giving Hide more access. But, Hide hummed, the hand on Kaneki’s face turning him to once again face Hide. In confusing, Kaneki finally blinked his eyes open, hoping his expression would convey his inquiry.

“I like watching your expressions – and seeing what my actions do to you.” Hide kissed Kaneki on the lips and watched as Hide’s face filled with glee when he felt heat blossom against his cheeks.

“That’s not fair.” Kaneki frowned and poked Hide in the side, making him yelp in surprise. “What about your expressions?”

After Hide regained himself, he held his side, grinning. “Sorry. I have a great poker face.”

“Bullshit.” Kaneki reached for Hide, tangling his hands in his hair and kissing him roughly. Even if kissing Hide like that was embarrassing, he still felt rewarded when Hide shuddered against him. As much as Kaneki wanted to close his eyes during the kiss, he kept his eyes on Hide, watching as his eyebrows drew together as he responded with a similar intensity. Bracing himself, Kaneki nipped Hide’s lip lightly. When Hide gave a positive reaction and Kaneki didn’t feel any remnants of hunger creeping up on him, he did it again. When he pulled away, Hide went to chase after him, but Kaneki put his hands firmly on his shoulders, watching as Hide just barely pouted, his pupils dilated. “Yeah, a _great_ pokerface.”

“ _That_ wasn’t fair.” Hide didn’t bother trying to hide his pout anymore. “I wasn’t ready.”

Kaneki shrugged, smiling. He got up and held out his hand for Hide to take. “I think our fifteen minutes are about up. Why don’t I make you something quick to eat?”

Kaneki noticed that Hide’s appetite was starting to come back. It was especially noticeable after Hide woke up. At the beginning, he was too nauseous to eat anything, but he was gradually getting better. It made Kaneki happy to see that he wasn’t feeling as bad as he was before.

When Kaneki heard a knock on the front door, he discarded his apron and went to let Amon and Banjou in. They followed Kaneki into the kitchen, where Hide was just finishing up his meal. When they walked in, Hide set down his utensils and regarded them eagerly.

“On the phone you said you have details.”

“Hello, Nagachika.” Amon took a seat, while Banjou stayed standing until Kaneki sat as well. “We just did a basic check on the property. It was passed down to a pair of twins who were taken in by the CCG. Later, it was bought by none other than Kanou. What’s even stranger is that the twins – Nashiro and Kurona – have been missing for a couple months. I had to do around a bit – but it seems that the CCG is disregarding their disappearance.”

Hide rapped his knuckles against the table. “Why would the CCG be keeping that quiet? They were students. Wouldn’t they have friends looking for them?”

Amon shook his head. “I knew those two when I was teaching at the academy. They stick together – isolating themselves from others. As far as I know, they had no friends.”

“Parents are dead?”

“Murdered by a ghoul.”

“Damn.” Hide massaged his temple. “Well, I guess we should start figuring out how we’re going to break in. I can bypass the security system, no problem. But the question is whether or not we will actually find anything. We don’t have enough information.”

Hesitantly, Kaneki spoke. He wasn’t planning on letting Hide know so soon, but he wouldn’t let him go charging in without knowing everything they could. “The Gourmet and I believe there may be a lead to Kanou from one of the ghouls who supplied the scrappers at the restaurant. I think we should wait until he locates her for me.”

“So we need to be able to capture her…”

“And question her. If she gives us something useful, then we can move in with more confidence.” Kaneki sat back in his seat. “For now, I think we should wait for the Gourmet to get back to me.” If it was just him going into Kanou’s property, Kaneki would just go. However, he had his friends going with him. He’d rather know what he was walking into, and he rather know that it definitely wasn’t a trap Furuta set for them.

“I agree.” Amon murmured. Banjou nodded as well.

“Then we wait.” Hide sat back in his chair. “I guess this meeting was kind of pointless then…”

“I can make coffee,” Kaneki offered. It wouldn’t be a complete waste, all of them getting together, Kaneki getting some time to spend with Banjou. Sure, it was nice living with Hide, but it wasn’t the same as being with his friends. His friends, who were ghouls, who understood some of his struggles in the ways Hide never could.

Banjou followed Kaneki to the kitchen and stood around as Kaneki made the coffee. Kaneki liked his company, even if it was silent. Amon and Hide moved to the living room, turning on the television. Banjou stepped closer to Kaneki, leaning in and speaking lowly, quiet enough that over the sound of the television, neither Amon nor Hide could hear them.

“You weren’t planning on telling us about Tsukiyama’s lead.”

Kaneki stiffened. “I wasn’t,” he admitted.

Banjou frowned heavily. “Then I’m sure you’re going to take off and take care of it without them knowing?”

“That’s the plan.” Kaneki glanced towards where Amon and Hide were conversing between themselves. “I won’t have to do anything drastic, but I’m sure I will have to threaten her. I just don’t want him to see that side of me.” Even though Hide had probably caught glimpses, Kaneki was worried what he would think when he saw the full extent.

Banjou eyed Kaneki with a soft, gentle expression. Sometimes, he was so patient, so protective with Kaneki that it hurt. “I think you’re more worried about that side of yourself than Hide would ever be.”

Kaneki recoiled. “And so what if I am? How could I not be? Yamori... He was once a victim too, but in the end he turned out to be just as bad as his torturer. What if I too –“

“You won’t.” Banjou put his hands on Kaneki’s shoulders, giving them a squeeze. “Anyone who knows you, knows that you won’t. You’re not a bad person. You may be angry and hurting, but first and foremost, you are gentle and caring.”

“I’ve killed people,” Kaneki snapped.

“Out of necessity, not only to yourself, but also to others. You can’t deny that because you killed them, countless others survived. It was your choice to take that burden, and it’s something you have to live with. But, don’t you _dare_ compare yourself to Yamori. I know in all the things you have done –“ Banjou held up a hand as Kaneki went to argue. “–and yes, you have done bad things, but you have never enjoyed doing them.”

Kaneki deflated. “And how do you know that?” He didn’t. He simply didn’t.

“Because I know you don’t want to hurt other people, even if they hurt you.” Banjou grumbled as he removed his hands from Kaneki’s shoulders. “So, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. You aren’t a monster.”

“I still don’t want Hide coming with me.” If Banjou was trying to convince him otherwise, it wasn’t going to work.

Banjou looked frustrated with the answer, but he relented. “Then at least let _me_ come with you. It doesn’t sit right with me that you’re just going with Tsukiyama. That guy creeps me out. What if he tries something?”

“He knows better than that.” Kaneki shrugged. “But if you must come, then sure.”

Banjou at the very least, looked relieved at that. “I’ll always be your shield. Let me know when you are leaving, and I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

“Of course.” Kaneki hesitated. He didn’t know how Banjou did it, but every time they talked, Kaneki felt like there was a weight lifted off his shoulders. “I… thank you.” He gave Banjou a small hug, comforted when he felt Banjou return it.

“Just try not to push yourself too hard. I know you worry a lot about others, but we worry about you too.” Kaneki didn’t want to think of it. He didn’t want to think of how others would react if he died, if he made the ultimate sacrifice when things went from bad to worse. He didn’t want to think of their expressions. He didn’t want to think of his own hypocrisy, so ready to throw away his own life, yet never wanting any of his friends to ever do the same. The pain would be unbearable. Unexpectedly, he felt tears gather in his eyes.

“Please don’t do anything stupid. Live, because no one wants to lose you either.”

Kaneki nodded and reluctantly pulled away. When he glanced towards the living room, he could see Amon was still watching the television, but Hide’s eyes were fixated on him and Banjou. He looked curious, but when Kaneki turned to him and Hide saw he was crying, his expression turned to one of worry.

Kaneki hurriedly finished with the coffee. “Could you take this to them?” Kaneki didn’t want to have to deal with Hide’s questions at the moment, nor Amon’s prying gaze.

“Sure.” Banjou took the coffee and gave Kaneki the opportunity to escape to his bedroom.

He paused after closing the door, his fingers hovering over the lock. After a moment of contemplation, he left it open. Then, he curled up on the bed. He laid there, not feeling like crying anymore. Even so, Banjou’s words permeated his skin, twisted around in his insides, simultaneously soothing wounds while tearing open others. He felt sick, he felt confused. He simply stared at the wall, wishing his mind could be ask blank as its smooth, colourless surface was.

After a while there was a knock, then the door slowly opened when there was no answer. Kaneki didn’t look. Instead, he just waited for the pressure and the shift of the mattress when Hide sat behind him, tentatively putting a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” Kaneki cracked his eyes open and glanced at him. “Are you staying?”

“Why do you think I brought my pillow?” Hide laid beside him, his forehead pressed to the back of Kaneki’s neck and his feet brushing against Kaneki’s cold ones. Hide pressed his palm against Kaneki’s back, rubbing it in comforting circles. Hide took a deep breath, the air rattling in his lungs. “I’m not made of glass, you know.”

Kaneki stiffened and suddenly the hand on his back didn’t feel as comforting anymore. It felt heavy, even as it continued in its circles. “I know.”

Hide hummed softly. “Then why do you insist on treating me like I am?”

Kaneki abruptly sat up and Hide’s hand fell to his side. Hide paused for a moment, then gave a deep sigh and ran his fingers through his own hair, scratching at the roots. Hide’s expression was… surprisingly impassive. However, there was tension in his body that suggested he was either angry or upset.

“I’m not…” Hide’s eyebrows pinched in frustration. “Kaneki. I’ve had this job for a long time. And I’ve been a CCG Investigator for longer. I know there’s a lot of things I haven’t seen, but there’s a lot that I have too. And if you think I’m some perfectly moral being who hasn’t done terrible things, then you’re wrong.” Hide caught Kaneki’s hand, tightly and desperately enough that Kaneki didn’t even think about pulling away. “My first victim was a twenty-seven year old.” The confession fell from Hide’s lips. “He was a nurse. My mentor had me follow him for weeks, picking apart every aspect of his schedule and finding enough evidence to confirm he was a ghoul. At the time, I may have thought he was a monster, but in reality he was a good person. As far as I knew, as far as the CCG knew, there was no evidence that he hurt anyone. Yet being a ghoul was enough to condemn him. _That_ was on me. I tracked him and discovered what the CCG suspected he was. The very next day, I murdered him. Sure, I was under orders, but murder is murder. And I am a murderer.”

Kaneki bit his lip. “Banjou told me that even if I’ve done bad things, it doesn’t make me a bad person. And… I don’t think you’re a bad person either, Hide. You’re trying to make the world a better place.” He sighed. “It isn’t our fault this world is so shitty.”

“Bad and good are entirely subjective concepts,” Hide said. “Who can decide that sort of thing?”

“We can, for ourselves. And we can only do what we think is best.”


	8. Chapter 8

Kaneki released Madame A.’s throat. She dropped limply to the ground, shaking and blubbering. In the end, all it took was a threat for her to spill what she knew.

Kanou. A lab. The experiments conducted there. He wasn’t the only half-ghoul created using Rize’s kagune. She was still alive, and Kanou was using her in his experiments. He was out there, ruining more people’s lives. And somehow, Furuta, who was a ghoul and worked for the CCG was involved with him.

The organization Hide was in was part of the CCG, although they were not aware of the organization’s actions. Was whatever Furuta was involved in similar, or were the higher-ups in the CCG aware of his actions?

Madame A. was still blubbering at Kaneki’s feet, begging for her life. Kaneki wanted to kill her. He couldn’t let her go free. If she did, she could warn Furuta or Kanou that they were coming for them. However… With a sigh, Kaneki glanced at Tsukiyama.

“I want her alive. She may have more answers for us later.” Kaneki grabbed Madame A. by the chin and forced her to look up at him. “If you remember anything later, you _will_ tell us. You’ll be going with the Gourmet. You _will_ behave yourself, or else.” Kaneki cracked a knuckle and shoved her away from him.

She was _filth_. The amount of suffering the people like her caused was immeasurable. Part of him wondered if it would be better to just kill her. The veins around his eye constricted and the skin on his back tingled. It would be effortless to release his kagune and let it impale her.

Kaneki froze, his hands shaking as he fought the urge to turn around. Tsukiyama paused as well, no doubt noticing his hesitation. Banjou put a hand on Kaneki shoulder and urged him on.

“I’m sure Hide would like to know how it went.”

Kaneki sighed and pulled out his phone. “He would have wanted to be here, so I never told him I was leaving.” Hide probably thought Kaneki was asleep in his bedroom. “He’s going to be pissed.”

The phone rang a couple times. “ _Where are you?_ ” Hide’s voice was thick with sleep. Kaneki could hear some rustling in the background as he either got dressed or got out of bed.

Kaneki bit his lip. “I had the opportunity to get to Madame A. this afternoon.” Kaneki glanced back at Tsukiyama, who was leading her away. “We got some information. Kanou has a lab beneath the twin’s house, where he conducts his experiments. We should expect significant resistance when raiding it.”

Hide cursed. _“How did it go? Are you hurt?_ ”

Kaneki stilled. He expected anger, not this. “I – I’m okay. Not a scratch on me.”

_“Okay. Come back to the house when you can. We need to go over what you learned.”_

Kaneki held the phone in his hand after Hide hung up. Banjou squeezed his shoulder again, making him flinch in surprise.

“You should get going. I’ll keep an eye on Tsukiyama and Madame A. Give us a call when we’re ready to make a move.”

Kaneki nodded and took off. He scaled a building, using his kagune to help him leap between them. He kept to the shadows and away from prying eyes. Before long, he was sliding back into his bedroom window, pausing to catch his breath.

There was a knock on his door immediately. When Kaneki opened it, Hide was frowning at him. However, in his hands was a nice, hot mug of coffee. He graciously held it out. The heat seeped into Kaneki’s frozen fingers.

“There’s food on the table. Before anything, come eat.” Clearly, Hide didn’t trust him when he said he was uninjured.

Kaneki took off his mask and followed Hide into the kitchen. The table was set with two plates. On Hide’s side was some reheated yakisoba. On Kaneki’s were a few slices of meat, which were a lot more intimidating than they looked.

Kaneki sat hesitantly, picking up his fork. Hide dug into his own meal, thankfully not glancing up as Kaneki’s kakugan activated at the enticing scent. It was a while since he ate across from anyone. Kaneki paced himself, resisting the urge to devour the meal in a couple bites. Still, he was finished long before Hide, sipping his coffee in silence.

Hide pulled out his laptop. “Okay. Let’s go over what you found out.”

Kaneki repeated the information for him. Madame A. knew of one entrance to the lab, but there were probably many. It would not doubt have security, but Hide was sure he could at least bypass the technical side of it. The problem was what kind of physical resistance they could expect. They needed as much manpower as they could, both from Hide’s side and Kaneki’s.

“I’ll get into contact with everyone in the morning and we’ll come up with a plan,” Hide said. “Do you know anyone who will be willing to help?”

Kaneki bit his lip. Touka would want to, but Kaneki was hesitant to ask her. She was young, and the raid could be dangerous. However, she was powerful and more than capable of holding her own. “I have one other person I’ll ask.”

Hide closed his laptop and squeezed his eye shut. “Okay.” He had a divot between his eyebrows that Kaneki ached to rub away. “You should have informed me about what you were doing tonight.”

Kaneki lowered his gaze. “Sorry.”

Hide sighed. “What if something went wrong? What if you got injured and no one knew where you were? What would have happened then?”

“I…”

“You treat yourself as if it doesn’t matter if you get injured – as if _you_ don’t matter.” Hide looked like he was going to cry. This was so, _so_ much worse than him being angry. “But you _do_ matter. It would hurt me so much if you got hurt. Or _worse_.”

_It’s better to be hurt yourself, than to hurt others._

It was a mantra Kaneki lived by for so many years. But he was coming to learn that the people who loved him were hurt when Kaneki was hurt. Touka, Hide, and Banjou. They all loved him, just as much as he loved them. They wanted him to be safe, just as much as he wanted them to be safe.

_It’s better to be hurt yourself, than to hurt others._

Pliers twisting him apart, piece by piece –

A hand raised high above his head –

Raw skin fusing to the metal around his ankles –

Bruises covered by long sleeves –

Kei and Koto dying together and it was all his fault –

And –

Did his mother ever truly love him?

Hide reached for him, brushing away the tears running down his cheeks. Hide carded his fingers through Kaneki’s hair, then pulled him into a hug. He gripped at the back of Hide’s shirt, pressing his forehead firmly against his shoulder. Hide kept petting his hair until Kaneki finally pulled back from the embrace.

“Let’s get you out of that suit and cleaned up,” Hide said. “Tonight calls for a nice, long, hot shower.” Hide took Kaneki’s hand. “Have you had anyone wash your hair for you?”

Kaneki shook his head.

“It’s nice. I’d like to for you, if you want.” Hide smiled, tightening his grip on Kaneki’s hand. “No funny business. I just want to take care of you. And part of me also wants to see with my own eyes that you’re alright.”

Kaneki’s lips twitched up into a smile. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Hide guided Kaneki towards the bathroom.

Hide, hardly ever shy, had no hesitation in stripping and hopping under the warm spray of water. Kaneki, however, hesitated. He’d never been naked in front of anyone before. And while he knew Hide appreciated his body – he made sure Kaneki knew that in the past – he still couldn’t help the butterflies in his stomach.

“I can keep my eyes closed, if that helps,” Hide said.

Kaneki snorted. “No. Just. Give me a second.”

Hide’s back was turned when Kaneki finally entered the shower. When Kaneki lightly touched his waist, he peeked over his shoulder, examining Kaneki’s expression. Then he turned to face him. His eyes ran over Kaneki’s body, but there wasn’t anything heated in his gaze. He brushed his fingers over the scar left from Kanou’s surgery, making Kaneki shiver.

“See?” Kaneki said. “I’m still in one piece.”

Hide grinned. “Good.” He stepped closer to Kaneki, brushing his lips against his collarbone. He reached for the shampoo bottle. “Close your eyes.”

Hide’s hands were gentle as he lathered up Kaneki’s hair. The shampoo was Hide’s, and smelled of mangos and other various tropical fruits. Both the scent and Hide’s gentle hands had him sinking into his embrace. Hide didn’t stop with washing his hair. His hands ran over Kaneki’s arms, chest and back. He massaged the later, fingers digging in until the tense muscles finally relented.

By the time they stepped out of the shower, Kaneki was dizzy from the heat. He let Hide wrap him up in a warm bathrobe and guide him to the bedroom, where they could get a quick couple hours of sleep before they had to report to the others.

~<3<3<3~

“The security system should be down.” After a long hour, Hide shut his laptop. He pinched his nose and winced, brushing away Kaneki concern. “I’m fine. Just a minor headache.”

They were out behind Kanou’s mansion.

Hide’s team consisted of many CCG investigators. Amon was among them. Kaneki recognized a few others, but most of them he didn’t know at all. All the ghouls there had their masks in place, concealing their identities. Among them were Tsukiyama, Touka, and Banjou and his gang. Tsukiyama had a hand on Madame A.’s shoulder. They decided to bring her alone, in case she remembered anything else that could help them.

Amon and Touka stood on opposite sides of the group from each other. Kaneki was worried about them meeting, but after a tense moment, they simply nodded to each other, avoiding contact from then on.

With the security disabled, Kanou wouldn’t be able to see them coming. They went through the front entrance. Kaneki almost snorted at the look of dismay and disappointment on Hide’s face when they found the front door unlocked. However, he brightened when they reached the entranced of the lab. It was a door behind a bookcase, made of heavy metal and only openable with a six-digit pin.

Hide cracked his knuckles. “Too easy.” He set to work on it.

Kaneki himself could have knocked the door down with kagune, but they needed to enter as quietly as possible and take Kanou by surprise.

It didn’t even take two minutes for Hide to get the door open. He sent a grin in Kaneki’s direction when Marude clapped him on the back. Kaneki rolled his eyes, taking point with Marude. He would be best equipped to deal with whatever was coming at them.

They got only a few steps into the lab before something that was more kagune than ghoul attacked them. Kaneki was able to take it down with a single strike. However, they all watched in horror as the ghoul’s own kagune devoured him.

“A failed experiment?” Marude murmured.

Kaneki felt his stomach roll. That could have been him.

The more they pushed on, the more they encountered failed experiments. The lab was full of them, though Kaneki doubted they usually roamed the halls. Kanou noticed whatever Hide did with the security system, and this was his retaliation. He knew they were coming, so they had no time to waste.

Kaneki tore apart the experiments as quickly as they appeared, clearing the way for everyone else. But before long, they had two true opponents appear. The twins looked different than in their old CCG photos. They were older, and far colder. Each had a single kakugan and kagune to match Kaneki’s.

These were the two that protected Furuta at the restaurant.

“Kaneki,” Tsukiyama purred. “You –“

“Leave them to us.” Touka cut him off. “Go on ahead.”

Kaneki nodded his thanks. He took off the rest of the group in tow, while Tsukiyama and Touka engaged the twins. He trusted they would be able to handle them, despite their differences and great dislike for each other.

They came up to another door, heavily reinforced and even more security than any other one. Hide stepped ahead to deactivate it, but Kaneki held out his arm and shook his head. “He knows we’re here. There’s no point in stealth anymore.”

Hide nodded, putting away his equipment and pulling out his quinque instead. Kaneki cringed to think he wanted to fight while still affected by his past injury, but there was no way to convince him not to.

Kaneki braced himself, then lashed out with his kagune. The door was tough, but it was no match for his strength. When the hinges didn’t give, Kaneki carved a hole right through it. The interior was some sort of fleshy, kagune-like substance.

“RC-Cell Walls,” Marude said.

Kaneki stepped into the room first. Kanou simply smiled when he saw him. However, that smile dropped when Marude stepped in behind him, followed by the rest of the operatives.

“You, Kanou Akihiro, are under arrest.”

Below Kanou, in some sort of machine, was a familiar splash of purple hair. The twisted fucker had really kept her alive this entire time, reusing her for each experiment. For the past few months, she spent the entire time under Kanou’s care. Kaneki didn’t want to imagine what kind of horrors that entailed.

Two operatives stepped forward. Kanou didn’t even try to evade them. They gripped him by the shoulders, folding his arms behind his back. Cuffs clicked into place as they led him away.

“Kaneki,” he paused as they passed by them. “This world is a cage. Together, we could destroy it. We could be free. You’re my masterpiece, Kaneki. You’re –“

“Take him out of here,” Marude hissed. “Make sure you gather all his documents. We need to find out everything he was doing, why, and who was supporting him.”

There was movement and noise around him, but Kaneki was only focused on Rize, who shifted in her restraints. He jumped when he felt a hand land on his shoulder. Hide stood behind him. “You okay?”

Kaneki shook his head. “She may have wronged me, but she didn’t deserve this. No one deserves this.” He stepped towards her, using his kagune to bust the machine open. The restraints around her wrists snapped easily under his grip.

Finally, she lifted her head, her eyes blank and unseeing. A smile made her lips curl, and Hide shouted as Rize launched herself forward, sinking her teeth into Kaneki’s shoulder. Kaneki hissed, but stood firm. He didn’t know how long it was since she last ate. Kanou may have only been feeding her enough to keep her kagune regenerating between surgeries.

He held out a hand, stopped Hide’s advance. He felt the flesh tear from his shoulder as Rize took a chunk, barely pausing to swallow as she went in for another. Blood ran down his chest as her nails dug into his back, piercing through the skin.

After a couple more bites, Kaneki pried her off, using his kagune to restrain her against the nearby wall. “Rize. Get a hold of yourself.”

She snapped and bared her teeth at him, fingers squabbling uselessly over his kagune. Hers was trying to form, but when it burst from her back, it was misshapen. She gasped in pain, sagging in Kaneki’s grip. Her kagune slowly disintegrated into nothing. Beside him, Hide relaxed, taking his hand off his quinque. Kaneki hadn’t realized, but the room went quiet.

“All right, back to work,” Hide ordered, shucking his coat. As Kaneki slowly released his kagune, Hide went to drape it over Rize’s shoulders.

Hide flinched back, the kagune meant to go through his chest instead piercing his shoulder. As Kaneki spun to grab him, Furuta grabbed Rize as he dropped from the ceiling. She was still confused, and far too weakened to fight him. Hide fell, blood gushing from his shoulder as Furuta pulled the kagune free.

Among the chaos, he fled.

Kaneki caught Hide before he could hit the ground, shaking hands covering the gushing wound. Hide grimaced, folding his own hands over Kaneki’s. “After him. The medics will take care of me.”

Kaneki hesitated.

“ _Go._ ”

He took off after Furuta, following the destruction as he carved his way through the halls of the lab to escape. They were steadily head up towards the surface. If Furuta lost him by then, Kaneki would never find them. The only advantage Kaneki had was that Rize was starting to wake up more, putting up a semblance of a struggle.

Furuta stumbled as Rize’s damaged kagune tore through his arm, forcing him to drop her. Kaneki used to opportunity to catch up. He was struggling to get a hold of her again by the time Kaneki reached them. He forced Furuta back with a strike of his kagune.

Rize was on the ground, naked and covered in multiple wounds. She was clearly fully awake, her expression screaming her intent for murder. Kaneki charged past her, aiming an attack at Furuta’s stomach.

Furuta focused his attention on Kaneki, baring his teeth as he was forced on the retreat. Furuta attacked in return, nearly taking of Kaneki’s head. As they fought, dodging and weaving around each other’s kagune, Kaneki realized he was going to lose. Furuta was faster and stronger than him. While Kaneki had a higher pain tolerance and could heal quicker, there was only so much damage his body could take before it gave out on him.

He fell on one knee, blood dripping from his forehead and obscuring his vision as Furuta went in for the killing blow. There was a scream, then a gurgling noise. Kaneki rubbed his eyes hastily, clearing them to see. Rize was crouched over Furuta, tearing apart his throat with her teeth. His kagune writhed about, piercing her body, but she didn’t get off of him.

Eventually, he stopped struggling.

Rize stood, glancing back at Kaneki. She grinned, her front covered in blood. When she turned to leave, Kaneki didn’t stop her. Once she rounded a corner, Kaneki stood up shakily and made his way over to Furuta.

His eyes were glazed, but the flesh Rize tore apart was slowly reconnecting. There was a watery gasp as Furuta took a breath.

~<3<3<3~

Hide curled up beside Kaneki on the couch, arm in a sling. He was practically vibrating as he flipped through the channels on the television, settling on the news.

“Today is the day?” Kaneki shut his novel, wrapping an arm around his squirming boyfriend.

It was two months since they raided Kanou’s lab. After a few days in captivity, Furuta told them everything. The truth about the CCG and that it was run by ghouls. The breeding of elite operatives in something known as the garden. Kanou’s connection with everything.

Hide’s organization investigated all the claims. Hide did what he could from the hospital at first, and then later at home. He had to undergo a few surgeries, but was no less optimistic. It was when they found out that Furuta was telling the truth that the ball started rolling. They gathered more support and evidence, until finally, they went public.

A reporter was covering the story in front of the CCG headquarters. A number of people were being led out in handcuffs, both steel and quinque. Marude was leading the operation, face stony with determination.

“I wish I could be there,” Hide sighed.

Kaneki held him tighter and kissed his cheek. He was just happy Hide was here _at all_. His stomach still churned when he thought of all the blood, and that split second where Kaneki was sure Hide was already dead. Sometimes when he closed his eyes at night, all he could see was Hide lying there with blood splattered across his skin. 

“You’ve done enough,” Kaneki said. “This wouldn’t have happened without you.”

Hide grinned. “Yeah, well. Marude better not forget it.”

With the CCG upheaval, things would be changing over the next few months. Namely, the CCG’s relationship with ghouls would change. No longer would they be hunting all ghouls. Instead, they would be hunting those who killed or harmed people. There were others, like the ghouls at Anteiku, who didn’t hurt anyone for their meals.

To make things easier for more ghouls, they were also offering synthetic meat – which was created for the purpose of feeding the ghouls in Cochlea. Kaneki knew it would take a while for ghouls to trust the CCG enough to go to them for it. That was why the meat was being distributed throughout the ghoul community by ghouls. Anteiku was carrying it, as well as other establishments that were set to pop up. They secured the ghouls’ anonymity.

Things were far from perfect, and there were still many things to hash out, but it was a vast improvement. It left Kaneki feeling hopeful for the future.

Kaneki stood and patted Hide’s knee, heading the kitchen. Hide remained glued on the screen, eyes wide like he was afraid he would miss something if he blinked. Kaneki put together a small meal for him and grabbed some of Hide’s medication. He was in the habit of forgetting the tiny pills.

He smoothed Hide’s hair back when he returned to the couch. Hide thankfully took a sandwich and devoured it. A couple days after his injury, he was having trouble keeping food down again, but he was bouncing back quickly.

“You’re worrying again.” Hide said through a mouthful.

Kaneki sighed and curled himself around Hide, pressing his face against his shoulder. “I’m always worrying.”

Hide snorted, combing through Kaneki’s hair. “I’m fine. And things will get better from here on out. For both of us.”

Hide would no longer be working for an organization he was ashamed of. Kaneki could have his life back. And they could be together. Truly together, like normal. They could go on dates. There didn’t have to be any more sneaking around.

Kaneki was already starting back at work at Anteiku the following week. He was even considering going back to Kamii. He had his whole life ahead of him, when just a few weeks earlier, it was all taken away.

“Sometimes I think this is too good to be true,” Kaneki said. “Like I’m dreaming.” Except he couldn’t be, because Kaneki usually had nightmares.

Hide cupped Kaneki’s cheek, coaxing him into a kiss. Kaneki couldn’t help but melt against him, the taste of him still on his lips when he pulled away. “Still think you’re dreaming?”

Kaneki hummed, catching onto the game. “Don’t know. I think I could still take a bit more convincing.”

Hide grinned, pushed Kaneki back against the cushions and straddled him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm free! That's all I've got folks. On February 1st, all stories on this account will be orphaned. It's been fun, but I'm off!

**Author's Note:**

> This is the long fic I was working on years ago. It's currently 30,000 words. I'll be cutting a few things out, cleaning it up, and adding a quick resolution, but it's no where near what I originally planned it to be. This is the last unposted thing sitting in my files, so I hope you all like it. 
> 
> ps. any scenes I may cut out that are still decent will be posted as separate fics (if there are any lol)
> 
> pps. I may go see if I can recover old files from my old busted laptop, but no promises


End file.
